chickadoodle

Pioneer Children Sang as they Walked and Walked and Walked and Walked

2011-12-29T18:29:00.000-08:00

I am, after all, descended from pioneers - Mormon pioneers to be exact. My great-great grandparents walked across most of continental United States to settle in Utah. That's a lot of walking. Over mountain ranges, even. I haven't been walking quite that much but I have been walking alot. Yesterday I walked for 5 hours and that Primary song started going through my head. "Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked". There's more to that song but I can't remember it. Just that line kept repeating in a loop in my head. Today I walked for 4 hours. I was canvassing for washing windows.

This weather is a gift for us - so mild and sunny. You don't usually get both mild and sunny at the same time in the Okanagan in the winter. So much for "La Nina" This is much more like "El Nino". And the timing couldn't be better for us. We need to have our affairs in order before we leave the country. And despite my best efforts to save money ahead for this time there has just been one thing after the other all fall. No one huge thing - just an accumulation of medium and small things. Well, I guess Andrew's braces was a big thing... Anyways, we are grateful for the weather. I am booked now for washing windows to the end of this year. That means tomorrow I won't have to walk so much. Just 2 - 3 hours to get started on next week (next year).

Luckily I like walking....

Christmas Musings

2011-12-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

Its almost 9:30 and the evening has wound down. We went to the Alliance Church for their Christmas Eve service which I enjoyed. We made quesadillas for dinner. We teased each other good naturedly. We each opened a present and Eryn and Tyler and Kaetlyn and Nadia left for other engagements. I finished my last present and cleaned up the sewing room so that my sister Martha could sleep in there. My brother Layne will be sleeping on the couch.

Its all quiet, just Christmas carols playing on the computer. Martha is already in bed along with Rhiannon and Drew. Layne and Dean are in the basement making music. I just have the stocking left to do. I am left pondering how things are the same and how things are different. It amuses me how much pleasure it gives me how important some of our traditions are to my grown children. Great fuss is made over when everyone can come to decorate cookies. And I remember my own childhood and decorating sugar cookies - remember those little ball bearings that could crack your tooth and destroy fillings? You never see those any more.... And I wonder how it will be when there is no one to decorate the tree... Will I even do it if they aren't here to do it with me? Children and family really are the point of Christmas for me. I have had, until now, a steady, unbroken chain of young children and babies in my Christmases. My daughter and my youngest sisters are the same age, after all. Now Rhiannon is 11. There is no one who even pretends to believe in Santa. In fact, this year there will be no Santa gifts under the tree in the morning. In lieu of Santa gifts we are going to Mexico as a family for Dean's 50th birthday. We leave on January 11th so we actually be there for the day of his birthday. We are all pretty excited. Andrew picked up his passport today so that is it. We are a family with passports. We can cross the boarder together. So we just got each other small gifts. I made almost all of my gifts which isn't really different. But this Christmas has a different feel. A more grown up feel. Its good different. I know it is unlikely it will be like this forever, with all my children here around me.

I am going upstairs now to fill Andrew and Rhiannon's stockings... one of those things that hasn't changed yet.

I'd better write now...

2011-12-19T05:43:00.000-08:00

Or it will be another two months and I won't have written and I'll have to join the ranks of certain lame brothers who blog and then don't. (and I'm not going to even mention another) Anyway, wow, it has been more than 2 months and Christmas is almost here. In fact, if Dean wasn't sleeping in Kaetlyn's old room which has become my sewing/knitting/crafting room, I wouldn't be on here. I would be busy making things for Christmas. (Dean is sleeping in there because I have the flu and he doesn't want to get it).

I have been awake since 3:30am which is really much to early to stay awake. I woke up because I had to go pee. But I laid there for an hour and couldn't fall back to sleep. So I got up and wrote my cousin a reply to her e-mail that she sent me last October. What kind of lame cousin is that that takes more than a year to answer?

I am in denial that Christmas Day is now less than a week away. I have so much to do. So much to make. And I'm going to have to have a nap today.

A Toast

2011-10-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

25 years ago today I was in the Richmond General Hospital recovering from the trauma that was my firstborn's birth. A quarter of a Century between then and now, she has been with me for more than half my life. Although with 11 younger siblings I had plenty of hands on experience with babies but she was the one who initiated me into motherhood. I can see her still as she was then - already asserting her personality and working her hands and feet out of any wrap that I or the nurses put her in; her intense murky blue eyes taking everything in.

So many changes we have lived through together - some happy, some not. Many great ideas that weren't really that great - all those mercurial things you do in your 20's (that I did in my 20's...)she was there for. And she was always one of the best things about my life.

Last night we had a party to celebrate her 25 years on the planet. I put everything into it. We had vegetarian chili and artesian bread that I made myself and home made french bread and artichoke dip and hummus - all made by me. The floors were washed and the rooms tidied. And I roasted squash and cooked beets and made 2 rebar chocolate cakes (amazing! Turned out the best I have ever done!)I worked all day starting at 4am. And as I worked, I thought about her and what I would like to say at this 1/4 of a Century celebration. People started arriving. It was loud. We visited and ate and worked together. And by the time we were singing and eating cake, I was far too exhausted to say any of the things I had thought of. So here it is:

A Toast

To my beautiful, talented daughter who has graced my life with love and laughter and friendship - more than I ever hoped for and more than I deserve. To you, Eryn. Who can find the words to describe all that a daughter is - all that you have been to me. Who can find the words to describe the amazing unfoldment I have been honoured to witness as your mother? A beautiful, creative, musical soul, a young woman who knows her own mind. Someone who is not afraid to speak up. A determined, courageous, brave person who I am so inexpressibly grateful to know. Here's to you, Eryn. I love you!

In the name of science

2011-10-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day.

Last week it became clear that one of Draga's lambs (the one named Sol by Amy) was not doing well. I pulled out my sheep books and began to administer all manner of 'cures' but to no avail. On Saturday evening, he collapsed and had a seizure right after going pee. I thought he would die but he didn't. He never got up again on his own but he lived until sometime last night. I continued to administer to him faithfully and hopefully. All the while continuing to read voraciously in my books and online for some clue, some clear answer. More than anything I wished I just KNEW more. I wish I was trained as a vet so I could have some clear idea of exactly what to do.

Then when I found him this morning and Dean and I lifted him out of the sheep shed, I decided that I would do a 'post mortem' to see if I could determine the cause of death. So later, after Dean was at work, I put my knife to his belly and cut him open. Arguably one of the hardest things I have ever done The minute I pushed the knife in, pee gushed out and it gushed and gushed and gushed and gushed. He had a urinary calculi (urinary stones) that had blocked his urethra. He died from his bladder rupturing. All the reading I have done since, seems to indicate that there was nothing that could have been done to save him once had had the stones and it became lodged. He doesn't fit any of the criteria for a sheep likely to get stones. It was just a freak thing. A metabolic disease. And somehow that makes me feel so much better.

I went through so much during this week of tending to a sick lamb. My first reaction was to berate myself for my ignorance and my inadequacies - to blame myself. Which made me feel almost desperate to 'fix' him. I processed and wrote and prayed and contemplated. And gradually I came to an entirely different place. And when he died, although of course, I felt bad, I was okay, too. And I accept that this is the way that he needed to die. And once I discovered that he was not diseased, I decided that I would feed him to the dogs. So I set about butchering him. After all, its not that different from a chicken, is it? It was hard and unpleasant but it was also exhilarating that I could actually make myself do it. I still don't think I could kill a lamb but maybe I'm getting closer...

The Boy

2011-09-21T03:03:00.000-07:00

Seen here walking his sister down the 'aisle' (or perhaps down the garden path is more apt) 'the boy' has put up with a lot growing up with 3 sisters. I talked him into homeschooling for grade 4. For grade 5 he returned to school but by November he was back home and this time it was his idea. Once we found a home at SelfDesign, we sailed through homeschooling happily until grade 10 when he was too old for SD. After that we tried several different online courses. None of which he completed. We contemplated him going back to school and I worried a lot and felt like a bad mother. Online courses were never his thing. Sitting solo in front of a computer doing schoolwork was not his idea of fun. And neither of us really wanted for him to go to school, either. I wish I could have provided him with a few mentors and a small learning group. I think he would have really thrived in that. But alas in Vernon it was not to be. Last year he would have graduated. Of course, he didn't.

However, this fall he is going to College. After taking the placement test in which he tested out at grade 10 English and grade 8 math, they put him in the appropriate upgrading classes. They expect him to be done upgrading early in the new year but we are giving ourselves until June. And then he will take the trades entrance exam with the goal of taking the studio woodworking course and getting an apprenticeship in cabinet making.

Right now he is housesitting for Eryn and Tyler while they are in Europe. He's cooking for himself, looking after the cats and keeping the place tidy and when I dropped by the other evening, there he was sitting in the living room doing his math homework. And most amazingly, he is waking himself up in the morning. Incredible. Eryn says he is the baby of the family and maybe its true. Somehow I never worried about how Eryn or Kaetlyn would wake themselves up when they left home. And I can assure you that when they were 17, they knew how to use the washing machine... Or maybe its just that he is sweet and huggable and everyone's favourite brother...

Whatever it is, I am so proud of him. I wish I could have had a glimpse into these days 2 years ago. I would have worried a lot less and I wouldn't have been so hard on him, either. And I wish I had been more persistent with that unhelpful person at the College last year who told me he couldn't go there until he was 19.

Anyway, there you have it, an update on the boy. Who would have thought he would be my first college student?

All Alone

2011-09-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

So I have managed it. Andrew is in Kamloops. Rhiannon and Dean are camping with Rhiannon's friend and her dad. I am alone. My whole life, as the oldest of 12 children and someone who became a mom at 21, to be all alone is premium. The house is quiet. I have Skydiggers playing off of the computer. I am going to eat whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it. The sun is slowly fading from the sky. The house is a mess but I will slowly clean it and it will stay that way. And right now I am going to do whatever I feel like... now, what is that?

Off to the IPE

2011-08-31T22:16:00.000-07:00

This year (year of the rabbit, don't you know!) despite my misgivings, Rhiannon and I entered rabbits into the fair - the IPE - Interior Provincial Exhibition. Rhiannon has been begging to for some time. She entered four rabbits and I entered 2. Really she entered 11 because one of her entries was for doe and litter - Vivica, our fawn Satin Angora and her cute litter of 7 babies born July 5. I meant to enter Lars, my white Satin Angora buck and Charlotte (said with a French accent), my French Angora but I had to substitute because I ended up having to shave them both because of their mats.

I must say that we have been having a great time. Along with a woman from Winfield (who we know because we bought our first Satin Angora from her) we set up an area where kids could come and hold the bunnies. Whew! Was that ever popular! Basically I had a line up all day. We had to forcibly close it down to go get lunch and then to leave at 4:30 with people begging to just please hold a rabbit... I could still be there, I think. Our angoras have been a huge hit.

Although there are not a lot of rabbits entered into the fair and when you are the only one in your class, you come in first.... In one category Rhiannon and I were competing against each other and we tied for first. We didn't really have an competition. Okay none. So we have a lot of firsts, haha. But the big news is that one of our rabbits won Best in Show. So that means that out of all the rabbits, (there are about 30 or so) she was judged to be the best over all rabbit. She is one that we bred here on our own farm. A gorgeous chestnut daughter of Lars and Velveteen. Here she is. You can see how lovely her coat is. Rhiannon is pretty excited. She gets a trophy to take home and a sac of rabbit pellets.

Here's the fine young rabbit that I entered. I named him Cappuccino. I think he is rather gorgeous. Hopefully we will get some buyers for these lovely rabbits. We're working on it!

Back to it

2011-08-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well, after all those big dramatic posts, its hard to just pick up again and tell you about the everyday things I want to tell you about. Its been a very busy summer with lots of guests and lots of fun. Maybe a little too much fun. It has been wonderful to see people and spend time but it has been alot. I figured it out and from the time that Layne arrived on January 10, until last Monday we either had company or were company for all that time except for a total of 5 weeks. And that stress - most of the times a good stress - has taken its toll. Last weekend when we dropped my friend's daughter back in Calgary and spent a few days shopping and doing Calgary things and then came home, we were alone at last. We've just been quietly doing our thing. When I looked at the forecast and saw that just this past weekend would likely be the last good hot days of the summer, Rhiannon, Drew and I went to the beach every day. Just the three of us (well, Eryn and Tyler showed up on Sunday but they don't count). Dean was in Canmore with Redfish in case you are wondering. My garden has suffered and I haven't put up as much food as I usually have by now. We're getting back into the groove. Here are some images from our fun and very (overly) full summer.

End of May girls at the beach. Shopping marathon for mother-of-the-bride dress. (Thanks again, Ronni! I really couldn't have done it without you!)

George the disable chicken brought in to die in peace ends up outliving all his compatriots and even survives the wedding. He eventually died with full bowls of food and water in front of him on the evening of July 21. Dean buried him and shed a few tears...

Lots of cousin time over the wedding

and after

Lots of walks with Iris... we still miss you!

Rabbits for sale!

Lots of rabbit babies

Fantastic August weather and New Denver here we come! Beautiful lake, good friends, good food, lots of music and lots of talking over card games. Perfect holiday!

.

Rabbit time and rabbit projects!

Friends hanging out and doing all the summer things - parties, water slides, matinees and the beach!

Calgary time: shopping, Callaway and the Calgary Corn Maze:

Fanciest dinner ever! Can you say carnivore heaven?

Driving back to BC in the rain....

Too Soon

2011-07-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Things have just been intense around here this summer - kicked off by the wedding, which was intense in lots of strenuous and happy and sometimes stressfull ways. But the last two days have been intensely sad.

Iris, our wee, beloved pup, died just after 4am yesterday morning of the dreaded puppy disease Parvo. We are devastated.

On Saturday morning Rhiannon and I took Zeus, Jodi and Iris to the dog beach in Kal Park. Its the first time any of us had been to that beach. Zeus especially enjoyed swimming in the lake. Jodi and Iris went for obligatory dips and Iris cavorted around on the rocks.

Later that evening she refused to eat her dinner and during the evening walk she lagged behind a bit more often smelling things.

Rhiannon woke me up at 4:30 because Iris was throwing up in her room. I went to pick her up and saw the circles of bile on Rhiannon's carpet and I was afraid it was Parvo. Jodi got Parvo the day Rhiannon was born (also after hiking in Kal Lake Park) and it looked just like what was under the crib in Rhiannon and Drew's room. I took her to bed and cuddled with her but she threw up in my bed. I took her outside and sat with her and saw watery bloody diarrhea come out when she pooped. I knew it was Parvo then. Jodi was 19 months old when she got it - much older. Iris was only just over 4 months old.

Now Jodi was sick for two days before we clued in and we took her to the vet where she was on IV fluids for a week before she was well and able to come home. I immediately started treating Iris according to the instructions in my Herbal Handbook for farm and stable by Juliette de Bairacli Levy who was a vet and also using internet resources. She kind of stayed the same all day. We administered fluids orally and analy every 14 minutes to half an hour. She continued to throw up and have bloody water come out her anus. But she held. I stayed up with her all night. I stayed outside where she seemed to get comfort from laying on the cool earth. I brought her inside around 2am. I dozed in half our stints. Around 3am she started to decline. She lots muscle tone and wouldn't let me give her any fluids. Blood started to pour out of her anus when she was just laying there. She just layed with her head on me. Her eyes were still clear and she looked so deeply into my eyes around 3:30 - almost pleadingly. I knew she was sorrowful to be leaving us. Then just after 4am with my hands on her, she took her last breath and her heart slowly stopped beating. The moment of death is as profound as birth. Suddenly she was gone and all that was left was her black furry body - a mere shell with out the black sprite.

I cleaned up and threw myself on Jodi and cried and cried. We had got her to be Jodi's apprentice and she was gone before her. We had imagined having her for years and years - imagined her moving out with Rhiannon. We imagined her comfort on the sad day when Jodi will leave. And she was gone. We had her for 6 weeks that seemed like both a very long time and a very short time. Dean and I cried and cried. And then tried to go about the beginning of our day. Rhiannon woke up just after 8 and I had to tell her. It was so horrible.

We burned a candle for her yesterday and we wrote our good-byes. Last night we buried her under the lilac bush near the house. Its marked with a stone and a cross. We only had her for 6 weeks but she was firmly inbedded in our family. In that 6 weeks she was walked twice a day everyday. She slept under Rhiannon's bed every night. She played with all the people working preparing for the wedding. She went to the wedding. She went camping and to the lake. She was a sweet dog without any of the usual puppy vices. No shoes were chewed, no holes dug. She only had to learn to not pee in the house which she had almost mastered. She loved to play, to sit in our laps and she loved people. She loved running with all the nieces and nephews when they were here. She was the most loving sweet dog I have ever met. And she unabashedly and persistently loved Jodi who at first resisted her and then gave in. I see them curled up beside eachother in the back of the car when we camped. Or on the porch. Jodi even let her share her territory under the table which she shares with no other animal or small child. They say a puppy makes an old dog older but Iris made Jodi younger. I see them running ahead of me through the field to start our walks. Iris running circles around Jodi nipping at her tail and Jodi making the dog laughing sound and twisting around to get her. So happy - both of them. She was a little perfect drop of joy and love in our lives.

Right now there is an unbearably big hole in our life where she was. Right now we are missing her terribly.

Amazing Grace

2011-06-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

I had the sense as we entered the last week before 'the wedding' that it was a lot like labour. If you are pregnant, you know that it is inevitably coming and once it starts, you know that there is nothing to do but be completely consumed by the process until it is over. For me, it really was like a birth. Only done much better than the first time. The first time I was very alone. Sure her dad was there and my parents were even just outside the door. But I hadn't been allowed to eat for 2 days before the birth because they were inducing me and soon after the birth everyone cleared out, the hospital kitchen was closed and Norm refused to go and get me food. I have never been so hungry. After that no one visited me and Norm didn't even want to give me a ride home. I was back to work in our business just 3 days after she was born. He made it clear that she was 'my thing'. It was lonely My mother had twins 6 months before. Katie came to help me once a week but other than that I was on my own.

Not so this time. Layne, who has been helping with the preparations since he arrived in January (including shovelling out the chicken coop and other stinky jobs) was here all day on the Sunday before with Zach helping to get ready. Then, Katie and Brent arrived that day, the 12, just after he left and set to work. They worked all day everyday getting things ready - cleaning kitchen drawers and windows and stripping and waxing the floors. Planting blueberry bushes, black currants, cucumbers and cantaloupe and weeding my garden. Helping me finish the shopping - especially forcing me to get the bra I needed. And shirts. We bought 3 shirts for Dean before it was approved.... The week whizzed by. I sewed flower girl dresses. Katie felt guilty if she wasn't working. We swept and washed and shopped and delivered food.

My friend Bozenka baked and cooked for the dinner until she couldn't stand on her arthritic ankles any more. She gave me all the best that she has working in an inferior kitchen and dealing with delays, shortages, and inexperienced help. The food was a masterpiece. Her sister, Goranka, along with her husband, Thomas and son, Daniel even travelled all the way from Calgary to help making this most amazing wedding dinner. They did so much for me and my daughter! I am truly fortunate to have them as my friends. Bozenka's help extended even to the slaughtering, plucking, gutting and cutting up of the meat birds who became the chicken portion of the dinner.

Bozenka's daughter, Jelena, (an amazing film maker) travelled on the greyhound to film the whole proceedings - she started with the wedding preparations and then the bridal party and then on to the wedding and the reception. I can't wait to see it! It will be so nice to watch it when I am relaxed! And of course when she wasn't filming, she was helping in the kitchen, running errands and making sure everything was as perfect as possible.

Laura arrived with camera gear and new lenses in hand to be the photographer. She was there, making a record of everything and when she didn't have a camera in front of her face and she wasn't making camera plans, she did whatever needed to be done.

Layne and Zach were there to help along with Avereigh who arrived with John. That group of strong boys (Drew, Ave, Zach, Douglas and Josh) could be seen doing heavy lifting and assembling as tables and chairs and tarps were erected. They did anything I asked them to - carry flower pots in from the garden, hang up hanging pots. They were awesome!

People showed up to weed, to deliver little white Christmas lights, to drop off food and baskets of flowers. Even Andrew's girlfriend, Chelle, arrived on the bus Wednesday night and worked her butt off doing whatever was needed for the wedding. I love that girl!

My brother Doug arrived on Thursday afternoon. The tarps that had collapsed the night before (like I told them they would if it actually rained...) were fixed by the tarp meister Brent and Doug and his boys. They were everywhere, doing everything. A whirl of activity I didn't have to direct. Mostly I shopped and sewed.

John, Brenna and Alysha drove all night, stopped off at Becky's and then arrived here on Friday morning. Without even a nap (except for Alysha) they went right to work in the kitchen. And they worked and they worked and they worked. John picked up all the dishes and delivered them.

Auntie Heather and Uncle Dennis - the only representatives of their generation from the bride's side of the family - arrived on Friday afternoon - twinkly lights and iced brownies in hand and immediately chipped in. Even up to the time the ceremony was about to begin, there was Uncle Dennis, pruning lilac bushes. Without me having to say much, they were just in there. Auntie Heather covering tables with table clothes. Funny, did she realized she used the one that Grandma B gave me for a wedding present? Somehow I just felt better with them there. They set up camp at the back of my driveway so they were right on site Saturday morning.

Friday evening Ronni arrived from Calgary on the plane. Picked up by Katie (I was sewing) and immediately set to work buying last minute things, working in the kitchen, making sure people got fed. And in general keeping me organized.

Friday night my sister says to me, "tomorrow, you be the mother of the bride (and the flower girl seamstress) and I'll be the wedding planner" and with that she took over. She took care of every detail. She made things happen and I can't even write about it without tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so loved and so supported and I am so grateful there are no words. (and I have to blow my nose, now) Oh, and did I mention that she did all this with a box of kleenex attached to her hip while popping allergy pills because of my 3 cats?

Bethany arrived and put finishing touches on the decorating - beautified my bathroom and helped arranged the tables outside.

Saturday morning (I was sewing) even Becky came to help in the kitchen. And Katie and Ronni worked and worked and worked.

Brent hoisted Eclipse who in the end, weighed more than the 80 lbs the rotisserie was intended for, onto the BBQ and began what he had been preparing for a year to do. With his best foodie instincts, he BBQ'ed the lamb to perfection. He could hardly sleep the two nights coming up to it, worrying about how it would work out. It was amazing. It was the best lamb I have ever eaten.

Katie did my hair while I was sewing. I finished sewing at 12:30 - in time to have a bath to shave my legs, and get dressed. Delanie did my make up. And then the impatient marriage commissioner was there, standing in the middle of the patio.

Ronni was running the last errands - which included buying Andrew shoes. It was Andrew holding up the wedding as he tore off his clothes and got his wedding clothes on. Then the music was playing (All is Love by Bjork) and Dean and Andrew were walking her down our porch stairs.

The wedding commissioner was terrible. In addition to being impatient, she got their names wrong at crucial moments. She called Eryn "Rachel Eryn Kleyh" and Tyler, Taylor.... although it was great fodder for jokes for the rest of the evening... c'mon. If you were a marriage commissioner, wouldn't you practise saying the names?

Then there was the ribbon ceremony. I read a poem by Maya Angelou that Ronni had looked up and written out for me the night before. And we all tied ribbons around their joined hands. (wedding party and family) I was last. Did I say something profound? No. I told them that I could hardly concentrate on the ceremony because I was so distracted by the imperfections in the patio bricks...haha. We all laughed. (but not so long ago, they were no laughing matter...)

Katie and Ronni helped prepare the food. They helped serve the food. Ronni didn't even get a chance to do her hair or make up for the wedding. I just want you all to know that really she usually looks very classy and well put together. I have always envied her sense of style. John, Alysha, Brenna and Christian took orders and delivered food. Kaetlyn and Nadia, after helping in the kitchen, also helped dish up the food.

My friend, Louise, arrived on Saturday morning and didn't leave until midnight. She helped make the food, dish the food, clean up after the food.

I wavered between feeling guilty that everyone was working so hard and being overwhelmed with gratitude, buoyed up on the love of my siblings and my friends. And then the dinner was over, the speeches were said (I didn't make notes; I forgot half of what I wanted to say) and the music started. The white twinkly lights were softly glowing and the music was fun. The dance floor was full of my nieces and nephews and my brothers. And then I was able to be right there in that moment. Dancing near my brother Jordan and his wife, Tracy, holding hands with Maria on one side and Mary on the other. Soon there was a little circle of nieces and it was perfect. It was absolutely perfect. I was in the middle of all my joy, buoyed up and supported by the love of my family. I felt it in that moment - so pure, so wholehearted, so selfless.

Eventually the music changed and I went back inside where nieces and nephews were falling asleep watching Harry Potter, and we cleaned up the kitchen and started putting the rented dishes back in their boxes. It all wrapped up around 1am. I drove Eryn and Tyler in their car to the room at the Illahee Inn that Laurel booked for them. Katie followed and drove me back home. Then we started bringing in the platters of food and finding ways of fitting it in the fridge. By 3:30 we were sitting in the kitchen, too tired to go to bed until Brent came downstairs and got us on our way.

And that was the wedding. Such an incredibly intense experience. There is still the glow of love around here left over from the 7 of my 11 siblings who were here and my Aunt and Uncle who travelled so far to be here and my friends Ronni and Bozenka, who would do anything for me. Because they love me. And and Goranka, Thomas and Daniel and Jelena and Louise who did so much for the love of me and Bozenka and my daughter. And I am so grateful to have experienced that so fully and completely. Will Eryn ever really know what was done for her?

In my dreams...

2011-06-06T05:58:00.001-07:00

In my dreams, the day is sunny, the flower beds are perfect and radiantly full of blooming flowers. My vegetable garden is artful and beautiful and completely free of weeds and crab grass. The food is perfect and we don't run out of anything. Katie and Brent make sure I get everything done. My sewing aunties (Mina and Elaine) swoop in and finish all the sewing with typical aplomb.

In my nightmares, my garden is overrun with crab grass. I run out of money for the food. The dresses are pinned together at the back and the sheep get out and eat all the flowers just hours before it starts.... and we have a torrential downpour.... all day....

Grateful

2011-05-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Like Laura, with our many childhood moves, I was often lonely and longing for a good friend. My young prayers were regularly heartfelt pleadings for friends. I have certainly been blessed in my life with very good friends. Ronni and I have been friends for almost 20 years now. The weekend before the May long weekend she swooped in to help me. At that time my garden consisted of one bed with early plantings of lettuce, mustard, kale, etc. and 9 overgrown beds that would have looked better in the lawn... It was so overwhelming I couldn't bring myself to start despite 60 tomato plants which were almost ready to be planted. She hates gardening. Her garden consists of 5 pots of herbs on her patio that she complains if she has to weed once or twice. But she was there, spade in hand, digging and weeding one of my largest beds. Pretty soon Dean joined us and tackled one of the worst beds. By the time she left, it was starting to look a lot more like a garden than a weed patch! While I spent every waking moment in my garden, she cooked and cleaned and made her usual gourmet quality food.

Then she took me out for the dreaded job of finding my 'mother-of-the-bride' dress. We went to every store in Vernon and Kelowna that carries women's wear. Did you know that patterns are in this year? And I needed a solid? And did you know that all those little original-looking boutique shops really carry just the same thing but at different prices? We saw the exact same dress in almost every shop only varying in price from $75 - $200. The stores were almost closing and we had not found a dress that I loved. We had one reserved as back up but I hated the way it made my knees look - which showed. (And I know all you knock-kneed sisters know what I'm talking about!) We stumbled upon a Melanie Lynn shop with 30 minutes to spare. We had the nicest sales lady we had had all day. And we got my dress. Its dark blue. And its rather form fitting. (I wanted a full skirt but there is no such animal in solid colour in Kelowna or Vernon). Ah, the elation of having that difficult problem settled.

We were all along for this long day of shopping - Eryn, Andrew, Rhiannon and Ronni's daughter. Eryn had taken the girls to H2O about half way through the day. So now, mission accomplished, we picked them up and went out for dinner. A wonderful long dinner at Kelsey's in Kelowna where we talked and laughed and shared good food and lingered there for more than 2 hours. It was the perfect ending to our day. One of those moments that you try to memorize to remember often.

The next morning our mission was shoes for R & M who are the flower girls at the wedding and for me. We managed to get them all at the Vernon Mall. Then we drove them to the airport and saw them off. It was a whirlwind visit but we got so much done. It was the support that I needed to feel like I could actually do this. She left with my heart full of gratitude for this friendship. It has been a long one and it has been a reciprocal one. I have been there for her in the same way. It is one where we spend a lot of time laughing and we have done our share of crying, too. It is such a great gift to have a friend like that. She whooshed in and with typical Ronni style, she just got everything on track with her complete belief that it could be done.

Checking In

2011-05-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, I have lots to say but not time to say it. Less than three weeks until the wedding now (20 days) and there is so much still to do. I wonder how I will get it all done! Every second of my day is full. The only reason I have time to write right now is because I am waiting for the puppy to finish eating before I take her with me to move the electric sheep pen. Wait a minute! What's that, you ask? Yes, at this insane time we got a puppy... She's a border collie X Australian shepherd. She is Jodi's apprentice. Jodi is 13 years old now - my soul sister - and not as able as she once was. This winter arthritis really started to hamper her left back leg. So we have been looking and thinking about puppies for awhile. I was astounded to find mutts going for $300- $400 and pure breeds upwards of $1000. So we have been keeping our eye out for the right dog - believing that the right dog would come for a price we could afford.

Then the last time I was at Briteland picking up chicken feed, there on the back of the delivery door was a sign saying "Border Collie X Australian Shepherd puppies born in March $150". I took the number and called right away. But the woman was out of town so we had to wait a couple of days but I did find out that there were 2 dogs left. She got back on Wednesday so while Rhiannon was in tap class, Dean and I took Jodi (for approval) and went out to the reserve to see this dog. We drove up, opened the door of the car and she barrelled towards us. We were hooked. The other dog was a male that they had decided to keep. She is almost all black with just a wee white tuft on her chest, under her chin and on two of her toes.

She was for Rhiannon to take over Jodi's duties. When we got home Rhiannon was already there but in the bathroom. She came out to see the little black face. They are fast bonded already. The little black pup has been named Iris and she shows all the signs of being a smart, easy-to-train dog. Except for the potty training so far. She lived her life outside where she was born and we are still working on the whole where to go to the bathroom thing.

So there is your bit of news. Likely you'll be able to meet Iris at the wedding she is almost 3 months old so not a wee pup (Jodi was only 6 weeks old when we got her). Jodi is gruffly tolerating her and enjoying the extra attention she gets as we make sure we are 'fair'. The cats are all hissy but we think they'll warm up. I have pictures but I don't have time to upload them right now. So you'll have to wait.

Off to work now....

The Throw Away Vote

2011-05-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am actually very offended by the concept of the throw away vote - that somehow in this democratic country, expressing your view on election day however it is that you do it could be 'throwing your vote away'. Nonsense. I think the real ideal is if everyone voted. If everyone did, I think we would have a very different government.

I suppose in the very old days when there were only two parties, things were simpler. There was always a clear majority. With the arrival of the NDP, that ended that. And now there is the Bloc Quebecois and the Green Party as well. I think the expanding list of political parties more accurately reflect the variety of points of view in our country. I don't actually think there is anything wrong with a minority government. What I do think there is something wrong with is a group of adults (mostly men) who can't manage to work together effectively - who are continually back stabbing each other, showing each other up, undermining each other, etc. in an effort to either stay in power or seize power. Pathetic. Really. No party has ever represented every single Canadian. Stephen Harper's less than most. Yet he persists in ramrodding neocon agendas. And of course the only reason we are having an election right now is because the NDP and the Liberals thought that with the revelation of Conservative corruption in the last election that they had a chance to grab the power. C'mon. I'm not stupid. Why did they choose now to bring the government down? There have been lots of other chances. I think its true - Canadians don't want another election. We want them to grow up and work together. At least, that's what I think.

When Dean gets home from work we will drive down to the elementary school and exercise our democratic right. I am voting Green. I am voting Green because I don't really think there is another decent choice. Conservatives think that the way to improve things is to give breaks to huge corporations which in turn, out of the goodness of their hearts will create more jobs. Despite the fact that this particular theory has been well proven to not work so well as corporations take their tax breaks and use them to set up jobs in third world countries (a move, I might add, that is rife with systemic racism as we underpay their citizens and grossly pollute their countries). Liberals in power for decades in this country - what do they really stand for anymore other than wanting to get back in power? They are responsible for the mess that is our current health care system thanks to Paul Martin. Like the Conservatives when they make cuts it is the poorest and least franchised that feel it while their friends in big business are rewarded. Then there is the NDP. I know Jack Layton knows how to scrap. What I am uncertain of is if he knows how to cooperate. They are controlled by big Unions which are not so very different than big corporations. Their stand on the environment lacks teeth and specificity. They believe in Universal Childcare but they don't support parents in looking after their own children.

I am voting Green because I think the environment is the biggest issue facing us. The dichotomy between the economy and the environment is a false one. Without an environment, there is no economy. Just ask those people in the Southern US how their economy is doing right now. But the Green Party is far from a one issue party. Elizabeth May was actually a Conservative and served in Brian Mulroney's cabinet. She believes in income splitting which would help families that have one parent staying home to look after the children. Right now my sister, Katie and her husband Brent would be better off tax-wise if they both had two crappy jobs. But because Brent works and Katie is at home, they are penalized. She also believes in supporting parents to look after their own children. I am all for supporting families where both parents want to work but I am frustrated in the systemic lack of recognition and support we give parents who want to look after their own children. Like a daycare worker is somehow more qualified than I am. There are plenty of statistics that show that children do better when a parent is home to look after them. Of course there are many factors that go into that (like socio-economic status) but it almost seems like we are pushing parents out the door to drop their kids off at daycare. We need good daycares and daycare workers should be paid better than they are AND we also need to support those parents who have the desire to be there for their own kids everyday. Its only fair. The Green Party platform is the only one that really make sense to me. It seems like common sense and listening to Elizabeth May is like a breath of fresh air - no wonder they want to keep her out of the debates! It is both fiscally and socially responsible - a balance seldom seen in Canadian politics. And she isn't afraid of taking on the real issues of our day.

And that is not throwing away my vote. That's putting my vote right where I believe it should be.

Anyways, in case you were tired of reading about lambs, there is my political rant for the year. I'll shut up now.

Finished

2011-04-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

There are no more white birds in my back yard (well, except for an Ameracauna and a silky). Andrew helped me slaughter and butcher the last 7 today. Wow. This has been intense! Wedding preparations. The chicken for the dinner is now ready. Not only did we slaughter them but we cut the chickens up and then de-boned and cubed the breast and packaged it all separately. I am so grateful to the help that I had. I would not have been able to do it without the kind help of friends.

I am riding a wave of exhaustion right about now. Last weekend we did 14. This Saturday Bozenka and I did 12 birds (with Dean's help for the killing). Monday I did 10 more with the very able help of Louise. And today with some assistance from Drew I finished off the last 7. It is an all day event whenever it happens. I am sitting here at the computer to tired to remove my blood spattered clothes and have a shower.

The end of the meat birds is always a bit like putting down a heavy piggy back. Tomorrow morning I do not have to get up and move the chicken tractor or fill up their 10 gallon waterer. I don't have to feed them 5 times a day.

And that's good because there are about a million other things I have to do to get ready for the wedding....

And the weird thing? All the meat chickens are dead except one. But he's not in the back yard. He's here, in the house. Yes, George the chicken (Chicken George?) lives. Weird, eh? He seems happy enough. His muscles are wasting away. About all he can move are his wings and his head and neck. We put him out on the lawn in the sunshine on the weekend but he only flapped his wings and looked happy. Dean was too afraid an eagle would swoop down and take him so he was closely watched. Every day Dean makes sure he has food and water and cleans up his poop.

Irrational, sure. But its one of the things I love about my husband. There seems to be a purpose to George's life. Not like his compatriots. He won't be feeding us or the dogs. But he brings something to us, nonetheless. Eryn insists we can't tell if he is happy but we think he is. He gets petted and talked to and looked after. He's still got the look in his eye that led me to call him 'my little friend' and prompted me to bring him in from being trampled to death in the mud by his faster growing friends. Who knows how long George will live. Not long, I'm sure. But as it is, the disabled chicken has survived all his able bodied brothers (who have taken up their new abode in my freezer).

Euclid gives more answers

2011-04-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

This morning Eirina was pawing the ground and I knew that my third set of lambs was on its way.

Here are the two little hooves emerging. Do you know what my first thought was? Despite having 2 white parents, Eirina does not have 2 'white' genes. And one of her colour genes hiding under the white is black. Yes, its true. Those were my first thoughts. And those details are now carefully recorded in my sheep genetics book. I know, rather geeky... I have always found genetics fascinating! I think if I didn't get a degree in psychology, I would have got one in biology.

Here he is. Yes, our fifth boy. And he turned out to not be part of a set but a single. But he's enormous. Our lambing has followed a weird pattern so far. The lambs have gotten progressively bigger. Euclid, as he has been named, is bigger than Draga's two born on Saturday and they are bigger than Lifa's two born last week. And the weather has gotten progressively colder for each lambing. It was snowing this morning as Euclid entered the world.

As you can see, not only does Eirina have a black gene for colour but she also carries the recessive spotting gene. You can see here, that she is indeed related to Draga. (Draga is the daughter of Eirina's great-great-grandmother - they are both decended from the same black, polled ewe who is a great milker). In fact, when Draga saw him, she thought he was hers (he looks like Mila of last year) and started nickering for him to come to her.

Take a look at those horn buds, eh?! Eirina was a pro and pushed him out with almost no assistance. And he was lively and quick onto his feet. Already so big he has to kneel down to nurse.

Here he is against her so you get an idea of the scale of him.

There you have it. 5 lambs in 7 days. My flock has gone from 6 to 11. I will sleep peacefully tonight. Only Brida left to go and she looks like she has a ways to go yet - her bag is just barely starting to develop.

New Batch of Boys

2011-04-16T23:09:00.001-07:00

I have a routine now for when I have new lambs. The first day they stay sequestered in their lambing pen. Then for day 2, I tie all the other sheep out and let the mom and babes out of the lambing pen to cavort unmolested around the sheep field. At the evening, before I let the rest of the sheep back in, I put mom and lambs back in their lambing pen for the night. I do this until they are a week old. By then the lambs can run fast enough to get away from any sheep and they respond to their moms well enough to come when she calls.

Draga had practically become spherical! This morning when I walked Draga out to her tether, her tail continued to stick straight out. Anytime I looked out at her, I could see that her tail was still sticking straight out. Mid morning, I went to take a closer look and found an amniotic sac hanging down. I took her off the tether and she practically ran back to the pen and over to the corner.

Rhiannon watched from a perch in the walnut tree.

It didn't take long for this guy to come out. I did help a little. He presented with one foot forward and one tucked back so I fished out his other front leg and helped push her vulva back over his big head. One little black boy. Well, hardly little. Actually he is bigger than Lifa's babies who are almost a week old!

She set to work licking him off. She birthed him on top of hay instead of the nice straw I had out in a couple of other spots so there was lots of green stuff stuck to his sticky wet wool. Within minutes he was on his feet and then his brother was on the way.

Here's Rhiannon with lamb #1, keeping him out of the way so Draga could focus on lamb #2. You can see how big he is, can't you?

Here he is, even bigger than the first. I put a towel down to try and help with all the hay debris.

Both looking for milk. It didn't take long for them to find it. And that was it - just two lambs but they are a nice big size! Look what long legs they have!

I settled them into a lambing pen. They are doing very well. The twin white lambs have been checking them out through the slats. Before long I know they will be a gang of ram lambs and I will be reminded about the origins of the word 'rambunctious'...

So, born on Amy and Bethany's birthday (and Owen and Christian's). Any name suggestions? (remember they are food...) We were thinking Beetroot and ?

I can sleep well for a few nights now.... Eirina's next!

Feasting from the Garden

2011-04-12T05:32:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our first feast from the garden. I made spanakopita with nettles instead of spinach and potent garlic scapes and we had nachos with lots of green onions. Perhaps those don't sound like they go together but they were really good.

Here are my dependable nettles. That was the first time I had ever made spanakopita, first time I had ever used phyllo pastry, too. I must say I did a better job of the filling than handling the pastry. But it still tasted awesome!

Our first feast from the garden is one of family's seasonal rituals. In the past it has always been nachos with fresh green onions but while I was scoping out the green onions to see if they were ready yet, I noticed just how well the nettle was coming a long and I suddenly had the idea to make Spanakopita. Seemed only fitting on the day our first lambs arrived. Are you eating anything from your garden yet?

And A Little Lamb Shall Lead Them

2011-04-11T05:24:00.001-07:00

I know it is supposed to be child. Humour me. Dean was in Banff this weekend being a Guitar God (his quote). They got stuck behind a terrible accident where two semi's took out a bridge. And the detour had a detour. He would have been home by 5pm but instead he was home by 3:30am. So when he woke me up, I decided to go and check on the sheep. There they all were, everything the same. Except, hang on! Where is Lifa? There she was in the far corner and I knew as soon as I shone my light over there and instead of one set of eyes reflecting light there were four.... or what? She had twins! Twin white ram lambs. Little Lifa who was born less than a year ago herself. Not only did the LAMB (she is considered a lamb until she is 18 months old - so that would be this November) give birth first but she gave birth to twins which is very rare for an Icelandic ewe to do on her first lambing. Last year I was so pleased with Eirina for giving birth like her mother did - easily with no help from me when I wasn't even looking! I am even more pleased with Lifa who did the same and with twins! And they are a nice size, too! Bigger than she was.

It was still dark (dawn is just barely lighting the sky as I write this) so I was having a hard time getting her into the lambing pen where she would be safe from the other sheep and have time to get well bonded. Eventually I used the leash and carried the lambs.

I hadn't seen them eat yet and so far she didn't seem keen on the idea. They were getting cold - their mouths were only lukewarm. So I got in the pen an sat down in the straw and worked out the waxy plug from each teat. I attached the smaller lamb first (currently being called 'little brother'). First I squirted milk into his mouth and he caught on. While he slurped, I held 'big brother' inside my coat. After he had slurped himself into tiredness, I did the same for 'big brother'.

This one is little brother. You can see that he doesn't seem to have the phaeomelanin factor. And on the geeky side, they are both white so I still have no clue about the colours lurking underneath Lifa's white.

As for the hot udder theory.... well, yesterday morning I checked them all. Draga's udder is still hot but Lifa's was hot yesterday, too. So the theory worked for her. However Draga's onto 72 hours here...

Right now I smell like lamb birth. Its a great smell! I'm on my way back out to check on them again!

PS. I've done that and they are both nice and warm and resting together while mama eats hay.

Sheep Geekiness

2011-04-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

Still waiting for lambs. It appears that my observations were not correct. Sometimes ewes have what is called a 'false heat' and then have a proper heat about 10 days later. If that is correct, then Eirina will be the 15th and Lifa the 18th. In the meantime, Draga seems to be in labour. Isn't she huge? Last night it was below freezing so I set my alarm for every two hours to get up and check on her. She isolated herself from the rest of the flock and her bulk seems to have shifted back. She is even more enormous now, if that is possible.

For bedtime reading I have been reading the lambing sections in all my sheep books. Last night I was reading Ron Parker's "The Sheep Book". I learned that last night when the milk bag is hot to the touch, lambing is less than 36 hours away. So this morning I went out and touched Draga, Eirina and Lifa's udders. Only Draga's is hot to the touch. So there, is your first bit of sheep birthing trivia.

Here's your next bit. The size of the milk bag is in part due to the ram because the hormones for bag development comes from hormones from the lamb inside. Interesting because I made sure that Renauld came from a good milky mother with a large milk bag. I thought it would mean that he would throw good milky daughters. Maybe it will have some effect but all my ewes make large bags and are very good milky mothers. So the size of lambs a ram throws is not only determined by the genetics of structure but also by the effect the lamb's hormones have on milk production. Fascinating, eh?

But here is the real geekiness. Awhile ago when apparently I had nothing better to do... I decided to try to decode my flock's colour genetics. I found this great article and this one, too. Together I was able to make sense of this somewhat complicated thing. So here's what I learned. There are basically 3 sets of genes that control the colour and patterns of a sheep. The first (factor B) is the base colour. All sheep come in one of two colours - black or brown. Brown is recessive. And white is not a colour, it is a pattern that is dominant over all other genes. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The next is factor A which is the gene for patterning. There are 6 different pattern possibilities. Solid pattern is the most recessive and white pattern is the most dominant. I learned studying this that Draga does not have the badger face gene. She has the spotting gene and I think she also has the mouflon gene. Mouflon is the opposite of badger face. Mouflon is a dark sheep with a white belly and stripe going up to the bottom of the jaw. It is hard to tell exactly because of her spots. But I am pretty sure she is both spotted and mouflon. But spots are not a pattern gene.

Spotting or not spotting is the third gene called factor S. Spotting is recessive to no spotting.

There are also some other minor genes that affect colour. One is the Phaeomelanin Factor. This is a gene that "allows the wool follicle to produce a pigment called phaeomelanin which has been described as tan, yellow or sometimes red. It has been seen most frequently on the head, legs and tail of white sheep."

So then I set about decoding my sheep's genes. ( I told you this was a really geeky post... still reading?)

Renauld was the easiest. For one thing, I get to see several examples of his genetics every year. Also he has several recessive traits which eliminates a lot. This is what I know about him:
Factor B black brown
Factor A solid solid
Factor S no spotting spotting

Because Renauld is a registered ram, I could even go onto the Canadian registry and get really geeky. I knew he must have a gene for brown because he has had brown lambs. If he was black/black, he would only have black lambs. And sure enough, on the registry, I discovered his mother was brown. I knew he must have the spotting gene because he had two spotted lambs last year with Draga. And obviously he has two genes for solid because that is recessive and he is solid.

Next up: Brida, my brown ewe.
Factor B brown brown
Factor A solid solid
Factor S no spotting ?

If she ever has a spotted lamb, then I will know she has the spotting gene. If she does carry the spotting gene, there is only a 1 in 4 chance she will have a spotted lamb.

Next up: Draga, my spotted ewe
Factor B black ?
Factor A mouflon? solid
Factor S spotting spotting

So far Draga has had 3 lambs (stillborn the first year) and they have all had the base colour of black. I know Draga's mom was solid black. But she could possibly carry a brown gene, too. I will know if she ever has a brown lamb.

Next up: Eirina, my white ewe
Factor B ? ?
Factor A white ?
Factor S ? ?

I know both her mother and father were white. So there is a real possibility that her two pattern genes are both white which means I will never find out what is underneath that because those are dominant over everything else. So far she has had one white lamb. I will find out more sometime soon...

And last: Lifa, Eirina's daughter
Factor B ? ?
Factor A white solid
Factor S ? ?

Because her father is Renauld, I know that she has only one gene for the white pattern and must have one for solid. There is a 50/50 chance for her to have a coloured lamb and that will tell me what colour(s) she has hiding under the white. And that will also give me a clue to what is under Eirina's white, too.

Both Eirina and Lifa have the phaeomelanin factor. The both have a rust coloured band across the back of their necks, rust legs and a little rust coloured tail.

Day of the Tomato

2011-04-06T17:13:00.000-07:00

No lambs yet. And I am getting more and more tired. When it finally happens, I'll be so tired, I'll sleep right through it. Right now my concern and anticipation wakes me up early every morning. Monday it was 3:20. Tuesday it was 4am. This morning it was 5am. I stumble out of bed in the dark and down the stairs. Throw on my coat and the headlamp and some clogs and go across the driveway to the sheep pen. Nothing. Yet. It is, of course, inevitable. And although I am on high alert, I am not as anxious as in previous years and I do have a certain amount of confidence in their ability to give do it on their own.

In the meantime I have been busy with tomatoes. My friend and I ended up with 215 seedlings.... yah.... So the last couple of days we have been busy transplanting. We each took 60 for ourselves and some for friends and there are still a lot left over! She took some and I took some of the leftovers. Here are the ones I have.

I am feeling very organized this year. Before we started transplanting, we inventoried them and then planned which ones we wanted to have and added them up. Otherwise we get carried away. 215 seedlings is the evidence of just how carried away we get. And 60 tomatoes is already a lot! So now I know exactly how many of each kind of tomato I have.

All available appropriate space is covered in pots and yoghurt containers of tomatoes. What kinds did I go with, you ask? (c'mon, you could ask!)

Here's my exhaustive list:
1 Mortgage Lifter
2 Orange Cherry
10 Large Italian
6 Oxheart
4 Long Pointy Tomatoes (LPT)
1 German Gold
5 Dr. Wyches Yellow Tomato
5 Red with Orange Stripes
3 Old German
1 Money Maker (you must hear James Brown singing when you read that one...'shake your money maker')
2 Yellow Globe
2 German Pink
1 Orange with Green Stripes
5 Cherokee Purple (from Amy)
2 Black Krim
2 Moskovitch
2 Green Zebra
2 Silvery Fir Tree
3 Purple Pear
1 Early Latah
2 Pink Striped

There did you get that far? 60 (or so... might be 61...) tomatoes. Summer dreaming.... Did I tell you it was sleeting here today? Mixed snow and rain? Yup it was.... In that way, I'm glad there aren't lambs yet. Please warm up!

Dean's Pet

2011-04-05T05:45:00.001-07:00

(Just in case you're wondering... still waiting... read previous post for explanation if that makes no sense to you)

Here are the meat 'chicks' or 'the wedding dinner' as they are also referred to. Getting close to the end of their lives. In the meantime there has been one chick who hasn't thrived. His (its become apparent he's a he) legs were not able to properly support him after about a month. This sometimes happens with the fast and heavy growth of meat chicks. (its never happened to chicks I've had before, though). He made do using his wings to get him around on his less than adequate legs. But as his compatriots grew and grew, he had a harder and harder time getting his share of the food and water. I started to call him my 'little friend' and would try to angle the food trough towards him when I fed them. But alas he continued to weaken. I usually let nature take its course with meat chicks and it seemed that his death was immanent. But every time I went out there expecting to see him dead, he would pop his head up and look at me. As this went on for a couple of days, I decided to bring him inside and at least let him live in some kind of comfort for however long he has.

After the first day with his own food and water, he quickly perked up. On the second day, I cleaned out his cage (pet carrier) and washed all the mud and poop he was encrusted with from outside. Here Dean is holding him after his bath. Dean took an instant liking to him and has declared him his pet chicken. Within a few minutes he and Rhiannon had named him George

George's 'drumsticks' are small and undeveloped and he sits there most of the time with his legs splayed out at awkward angles that chickens don't normally do. He turns himself around using his wings. But I notice that even his feathers are not well developed.

I suspect that despite our efforts he is not long for this world. But for now, he is our pet chicken. George.

The Waiting Game

2011-04-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

Its almost 8pm. Night is falling and so is the temperature and a light rain. Its cold and wet. In fact, that pretty much describes the weather so far in April. Rain forecasted for almost everyday and alot of it has happened. Not ideal lambing weather for sheep without a barn. Last year our first lamb came on April 1 and the next on April 23 and the last on May 7. So far no lambs. I made notes during breeding season and if my observations and calculations are correct, then Eirina (my white ewe who gave birth on May 7 to a white ewe lamb) is due tomorrow and that white lamb of hers (Lifa) is due on Friday. They both show signs of immanent birth. Their udders are huge and very firm. I had calculated Draga to be due April 25 yet she is enormous and looks ready to give birth at any moment. Luckily I had my dad build me 3 lambing pens...

So now is the waiting time. I check on them several times a day. I check on them last thing before I go to bed and Andrew or Dean (whoever is last up) checks on them when they go to bed. Last night the sound of a cat mewing woke me from my sleep at 3:20am. Only there was no cat. It was my dream waking me up. I stumbled down the stairs and outside in my pyjamas wearing my headlamp to check. No lambs yet.

Here is Eirina in the sheep shed full of straw ready for delivery if one of them should chose to labour there. See her side bulging out?

Here is my sweet Draga. You can see how huge she is. Triplets? One of her sisters had triplets...

And here is Lifa. I can hardly tell her apart from her mother. Now their horns are almost the same length. But Lifa's are pink at the base where she has had her new growth. Other than that.... I was joking with Rhiannon today that I am going to have to die one of their ears green or something.

Here is what I spend my time staring at - what is under the tail. Draga's us swollen and stretched down. It looks totally ready for birth.

Because I have only a small flock and one pasture, Renauld is tied up where he cannot harass the ewes or lambs should they come when I am not looking. You can see he is quite interested.

No pictures of Brida. She has been the first to lamb the last two years and is my senior ewe. But this year she has decided to go last. She is definitely pregnant but it looks like she has at least a month to go.

So tonight I have covered up the prepared lambing jugs with a tarp to keep the straw already waiting inside as dry as possible. I am tired. I will go to bed shortly with instructions to the night crew and wake up early. Will Eirina surprise me again? Will I awake to find she has done it all without me?

Like all mammals, my ewes will pass through death to bring their lambs into the world. Every birth comes close to death. Most pass through that moment just fine. But these are more than just livestock. I know my sheep and their personalities. So light a candle for my labouring sheep and say a prayer for them. My wooly friends

What's in a Name?

2011-03-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

I need a name for my farm. I can't do pedigrees for my pedigreed rabbits until I have one. Please help me. This farm (when it was a much bigger farm) had a name. It was called Chistlehurst. I know this because I have been given some very old photos of this property. Chistlehurst is an area in England and it doesn't speak to me. Here are details and parameters:

1. It can't be animal specific because we have sheep, rabbits and chickens.
2. We both eat and use the products of our animals so it can't be called something fibre farm because that implies only harvesting wool... Besides, chickens don't have fibre.
3. We sell pure bred Buff Orpington chickens, pure bred but unregistered Icelandic lambs, meat rabbits and angora rabbits.
4. We also sell rabbit meat, wool, lamb and eggs.
5. It needs to be a mobile name because I do not own this property and my farm will likely move one day so it needs to not be area specific.
6. It has to not already be taken.

I liked the name Green Willow Pastures but no one else did. I like names that have to do with birds or trees - mostly trees. I like the name Ravenscroft or Ravenstoft but both of those are names of farms I know. Names of other farms I like are Daisyhill, Rainshadow, Green Croft Gardens, Tideview, Pineridge... I do not like the name 'Andrea's Farm'...heh

Anyways, please help!

Box of Cheepers

2011-03-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Look what came in the mail today!

27 chicks from Rochester Hatchery. And really, they came in the mail. The Post Office called early this morning and before 7:30 I was at their back door getting my box of cheepers. All 27 survived their trip from Northern Alberta.

A racoon killed Marigold, our Buff Orpington rooster in February. We were very sad. And all my arrangements buying broody type hens last year (5 silky hens of whom 3 remain - Zeus ate one and the raccoons killed the biggest hen 6 weeks before Marigold got killed) so that I never had to have laying chicks in my house ever again came to nought. No fertile eggs. Who cares if they go broody? The day after his death I ordered these chicks (his replacement).

Actually its not entirely true that they wouldn't be fertile. In the fall I got myself 2 Rhode Island Red pullets and 2 Plymouth Bard Rock pullets just to have a few very dependable egg laying types. However one of the Plymouth Bard Rock hens turned out to be a rooster. But that only gives me mutt chicks and not pure bred Buff Orpingtons like I wanted. This young rooster is the meanest dang rooster I've ever had. He has attacked me several times. Luckily I was wearing full winter gear. He's gonna go before I wear bare legs outside... The other day I picked up my pet chicken - the only one left of my original Silver Laced Wyandottes. She squawked and he came running. Then later he followed me around and flew at me. I kicked him away but he kept coming back. His days are numbered.

These wee cuties are Buff Orpingtons (one of them will be our new Marigold - our third rooster named Marigold) and Buff Brahmas - a breed I've long wanted to have. They have feathers on their feet and they are known for being good brooders and exceptionally good mothers. Let this be the end of indoor brooding.... please....

Later I have some new Silver Laced Wyandottes and Americauna's coming. I will likely keep a rooster from the Wyandottes as well. They are a rare breed and they have a spot in my heart because of our first 4 girls and Roostie the rooster who were our introduction this time round in to backyard chickens.

Couldn't Stand It...

2011-03-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

The inside workings of the hot water tap on our tub went - we couldn't turn it off. But we just used the stops because I didn't feel like calling our landlord and arranging to have someone come and fix it. And then the stop broke and I had to turn the hot water off at the tank and we had no hot water at all. So I called the landlord. They are always great about fixing things right away - better than any other landlord I've ever had. She called back within 5 minutes to tell me that the guy would be there in a hour to an hour and a half.

Okay. Great, right? Except for the guy is a good friend of my landlord and sure to report on the condition of my house.... So not great because 50 chicks were in residence in my basement who should have been outside a week earlier and my whole house reeked of a chicken coop. Dean was gone to work. So I woke up Layne (it was his day off) and Drew and we began the panic evacuation of 50 stinky chicks and the transformation of my basement from chick brooder to ordinary basement.

In 90 minutes we arranged the chicken tractor, put down shavings to absorb the moisture, moved 50 chicks who are getting quite heavy into it, and covered it with a tarp. Then we peeled the sodden cardboard and newspaper and chicken poop off of the floor - several loads in boxes and a laundry basket. Then we swept and swept and swept. And vacuumed up cobwebs now extremely obvious because they were coated in chick dust.

The last load was cleared out, the last remnants swept up, basement 'stuff' moved back into place, the vacuum cleaners carried back upstairs and I was just adjusting the tarp over the chicken tractor when the guy drove up....

It was a good excuse to get them out of there. And they have survived the cool, damp temperatures just fine.

Spring?

2011-03-08T10:44:00.001-08:00

Is spring really 11 days away? Hard to believe when this is the view from my South facing window. See my poor sheep in their snow and ice encrusted pasture?

If, while looking out that same south facing window, you looked down, this is what you would see. I have 148 tomato seedlings sprouted on all my south facing window sills.... And more planted. They aren't all for me but at least 60 of them are. (Amy, click on the photo and look at the label and you will see that the one in the middle says 'Cherokee Purple' - still growing the seeds you gave me for Christmas:)

Here are my peppers just poking their heads out of the soil to the warm of my friend's plant heat pad and the light of my grow light.

And these are flower seedlings for flower baskets and gardens for Eryn's wedding... ah the preparations....

In the meantime, my garden looks like this. Still half the tomato stakes in the ground from last year because of the sudden and very hard freeze that never let up... well, gives me something to do this spring, anyways....

But what is on everyone's mind who lives in this old house is when can these guys go outside? 50 of them for Eryn's wedding dinner. Normally they would go outside today at 4 weeks old. But the ground is either wet and muddy or covered in snow - no space for these stinky critters. Hopefully next week we'll be able to get them out of the basement....

Year of the Rabbit

2011-02-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

In what has become my tradition, I bred 2 of my does on New Years Day. They didn't seem too much into it but I bred put them with the buck a few times during that week and they eventually relented. Sometimes they just need exposure to the buck to get into it. I bred Cypress, our original meat rabbit with Hazel and Charlotte (pronounced with a French accent) my new white French Angora with Lars, my white Satin Angora buck.

On February 7, just 4 days after the start of the Year of the Rabbit Cypress gave birth to her 4th litter with 8 babies - all healthy. Four white ones (she always has 4 white ones no matter what else), two grey ones with white tummies and inside of their ears and around their eyes (which is a tan pattern even though there is no tan). Then there is one grey one who is solid dark grey everywhere. One one black and white with Harlequin markings. Within 12 hours Charlotte gave birth to her very first litter (she was just born herself last summer) of two white babies.

Although it had been warm the week before, the temperatures plummetted to -12. I was worried about those two wee babies keeping eachother warm enough. I brought Charlotte in and brushed out more of her fur to put around the babies because she hadn't pulled out very much (Cypress plucks herself bare practically). Then I took two of Cypress' white babies and rubbed some of Charlotte's poo on them so they would have her scent and put them in with Charlotte's babies.

Over the next day or so I brought Charlotte and her babies in a few times to make sure everything was going well. I cut a lot of her long angora fur off of her belly and from around her nipples. I could tell that a couple of them were not being used because they were too hard to find. She accepted the foster babies just fine. Here's what they all looked like within a few days. I think there is almost nothing cuter than a nest box full of furry, chubby little bunnies. I think they are all a bit chubbier than usual. Cypress normally has 10 and always has enough milk to successfully raise them all and now she only has 6. And rabbits have 6 teats so even Charlotte with four kits, has more than enough milk. In fact, we have named one of the meat rabbits that she has King Fatty. You can see him there on top.

And here is the black and white one who has been named 'Oreo'. There is always an 'Oreo' in every litter - at least one but they usually turn out to be grey or dark brown but this one is really black.

Testosterone-ville

2011-02-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

Time for some news - and there's lots, of course.

Since Eryn's birth, I have always lived in a home where the girls outnumber the boys. Female energy reigned supreme from 1986 to 2010 when Kaetlyn moved out. That's a pretty good run, really. Then I was enjoying balance with Dean, Drew, Rhiannon and I. And I was really enjoying having Kaetlyn's room. All my sewing stuff moved in there. We set up a TV and DVD player. It was a great guest room. But recently a longer term guest moved in. Brother Layne as Dean calls him who likes to invent ridiculous names like that. He has severely overused the suffix 'the kid' (as in Kaetlyn the kid, Eddie the kid, Evan the kid and so on) so Brother Layne is a refreshing change. Now been shortened to BL. But he is also known as bread boy or egg and bread boy because of his rate of consumption of those household commodities. Here he is in his bread cutting pose. To his credit, he is now the chief bread maker. Fitting.

But let me tell you that Layne is an excellent guest/room mate. Rivalled perhaps only by his next younger sister.... He cooks and cleans and makes music with Dean and even fixes my computer. He even babysat last weekend so both Dean and I could go away (to different destinations, unfortunately). Anyway, I love my brother and it is nice having him here.

He has got a job in Kelowna selling Jacuzzis and will be moving to Kelowna or close to soon. (don't worry, Katie, your room is safe). I've been trying to talk him into settling for Winfield which is so much closer and free from Kelowna traffic. Of course, really I would prefer Vernon but I understand that is a lot of driving and the gas sure adds up these days.

The Wise Woman Way

2011-01-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

This post really goes hand in hand with the last one on woman's cloth. A few years ago - probably around 4 - I started to occasionally have my periods at shorter intervals. I was introduced to Susun Weed's book, "The Wise Woman Way, Healing Wise". I borrowed the book from a friend, skimmed through it and read the pertinent parts. I started to make nettle infusions and to drink them on a regular basis. My menstruation irregularities disappeared. Now an infusion, as some of you may know and some of you may not, is not tea. Using 1/2 cup of dried nettle per litre or quart, you pour boiling water over the dried nettle and immediately put a lid on the jar or glass container you are using and let it sit for 4 hours. Then you strain and drink.

Then, last summer, the irregularities returned. I was still drinking my nettle infusion so it couldn't help any more than it already was. I ordered my own copies of the Healing Wise book and also her book "The New Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way". This time I read both books cover to cover. And I loved them. She really speaks to me. I had had these kinds of thoughts and feelings and reading her work was very validating. She knows an amazing amount about plants. She believes that good health ought to be able to be achieved by eating the plants that grow around us. She believes that supplements and vitamins have their place but they are more like drugs and for special circumstances. I highly recommend the books. I have given copies to many people.

But more importantly, I have used what she recommends and it really works. After reading the menopause one, I started making an oatstraw infusion in addition to the nettle one. This helped tremendously with the emotional aspects. I was feeling alot of anxiety and my pms was rather extreme. Oatstraw had an immediate effect (it also tastes good). But my periods were still only 2 weeks apart. Considering that I bleed for a week, it meant that I was often having 2 periods a month.... So next I tried Yarrow. Yarrow is far to bitter to make as an infusion (although I tried that first before I carefully read the yarrow section). I made it a tea with lemon balm and lavender and that helped with the flavour - it made it bearable. But yarrow also has side effects. It makes you sweat more profusely and can even make hot flashes more likely. It definitely had those effects on me. I did have a couple of mild hot flashes as a result. So next I tried sarsparilla root. For root infusions, you steep for at least 8 hours. Sarsparilla root is delicious - it is the flavour of root beer, after all. Very easy to drink. But you are not supposed to drink too much of it. I had 1 - 1.5 cups a day for a week.

Susun Weed eschews the new term of 'perimenopause'. She points out how according to this new way of looking at things, menopause is only one day. The one day that your period ceases. So in this spirit, I have entered menopause. I am at the beginning stages.

Using these infusions, gradually my emotions have evened out and the pms is now minimal and even more gradually my menstruation has returned to its usual 3 week cycle (3 weeks off and 1 week on). All without the interference of dangerous drugs.

In season I pick and dry my own nettle. This year I also dried red clover blossoms and red raspberry leaves. The rest I buy from Anna's Vitamins Plus (250-260-1147). I can buy them there in bulk in 1 lb bags. 1 lb of oatstraw or nettle fills up a gallon jar and lasts me more than a month. She is happy to ship, as well.

So right now I am drinking a lot of infusions. Every day I drink nettle and most days I drink oatstraw as well. Once a month I drink sarsparilla for a week and I throw in raspberry leaf and red clover, too and an occasional pot of yarrow tea. So every day I am drinking 3 cups of infusions. The hormonal shifts of menopause are as demanding on the endocrine system as adolescence and your glands need a lot of nourishment. These infusions are high in so many nutrients that I take no other supplements.

So if you have a very heavy period, try nettle. It is high in iron and calcium (and vitamin D and lots of other things). You will be surprised how it helps with your bleeding and makes it easier to use a diva cup and cotton pads.

Woman's Cloth

2011-01-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

Because it is not Mother's cloth, Fatima. In fact, mothers go through a nice period of NOT having to use such things. But I digress... It all started for me more than 3 years ago. I have always been interested in living and eating healthily. And as I became aware of what was happening to this world of ours, I became very interested in living with a smaller footprint on the world. For many years I have been unhappy with the choice in so-called feminine products. The disposable-ness of them, the bleached white-ness of them - to think of putting some of the worst chemicals next to the most tender part of my body just never seemed right. I had long ago given up using tampons for the same bleached-white reason and because they stopped feeling good to me. I noticed that I felt more bloated when I used them.

Now, if someone who is not my sister is reading this, I should give a bit of background information here. I have a period like my mother. I bleed for a full 7 days and I bleed very heavily for 3 of those at least. When I say heavily, I mean very heavily - like half the blood of my entire body leaving through my vagina..... I know several of my sisters are like this,too. So obviously, to return to the 'old' way of just using rags would not be practical. For me, it would have meant living in the bathroom for most of my period or walking around with blood running down my legs.

So just over 3 years ago, I bought a Diva Cup. I had been hearing about them for awhile. I purchased one for just over $40 but they have gone down in price since then. Learning how to use it was rather comical, I must admit. Following the instructions that came with it didn't work. Folding it up like it is in that link only resulted in it suction cupping to the inside wall of my vagina and it was excruciating. And of course, I started trying this on a day of heavy flow. I felt like I worked in a slaughter house, with blood running down my arm.... yuck. But in the end, I figured it out. I just squeeze it slightly in half and slip it in, position it and turn it the required 3 times so that it makes a seal. I got better and better at it as time went on.

Then it was only a matter of time until I purchased some cotton, reusuable pads. Lunapads. So much more comfortable than paper pads, let me tell you! However, rather expensive and I was loathe to buy more than the starter pack because, really, I could make some of my own. I mean, I had seen all the cool ones that Soulemama had made. But I didn't for another year or so. Mom eventually make me a whole bunch more when she came with me to New Denver. And now I have a huge stash that I never use all of when I am 'on the rag', so to speak. On the light days of my period, the diva cup is enough. But on the heavier days, there is a bit of leakage and for this, the cloth pads are wonderful. I used a thrifted flannel sheet, as well as some I had saved or Rhiannon's which were like new because she almost never slept in her own bed.... and a thrifted towel for the inside part when I made my own. When one of the pads is dirty, I just pop it into an ice cream bucket that sits on top of my dryer (which is a stacked one, so it is way up high, out of everyone's sight). The bucket has water and oxyclean in it. When my period is over, I rinse out the water and throw them in the wash. They come out perfectly clean with no stains.

Of course you save money using this method for obvious reasons. But what continues to appeal to me is that not only is it so much gentler on the environment but it is also so much better for me. Like many others that I have heard of who also use the diva cup, they like their periods so much better and somehow, your period seems to change a little. But that just might be becoming so much more aware of its fluctuations. On my super, super heavy day I usually must empty my diva cup every half hour.

And emptying it is not that hard. I have been in almost every conceivable situation now. At home, I take it out, empty it into the toilet and wash it in the sink with soap and warm water. In public washrooms, I can just empty it into the toilet, give it a wipe with some toilet paper and reinsert it. Or you can even revert to the old ways of disposable products for an outing. But I never have. I love the diva cup. It is comfortable, and easy to use. I forget I have it in. I have been swimming with it in many times, exercised with it in, gone everywhere with it.

And there you have it, the complete tale of my 'woman's cloth'.... Are you a sister and would like to try some of these? I have mom's serger, I 'd be glad to make some liners for you but you will have to buy the bottom part from Lunapads (probably sold at your local health food store).

And Now for New Years

2011-01-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

What exactly we were doing for New Years didn't exactly take shape until just days and moments before. At first we were going to be at home, doing our usual, eating snacks, hanging out, watching movies and playing games. Just the 3 of us because Andrew went to Kamloops for New Years. But in the end, Redfish opened for a fundraising all-ages event.

I must say that Rhiannon was not keen to go. In fact, that is putting it mildly. She wanted to do what we had always done (at least what we had always done in her recent memory). She fought against going right down to the moment of leaving for the gig when I wouldn't let her wear her choice of footwear (inappropriate). I told her that we had to stay for Daddy's set and then we could leave if she wanted to. She was adamant that this is what she would want to do. I tried to suggest that she be open to having a good time - that it might even be fun - that a lot of kids would like to be in her position. She was completely unconvinced, my little Virgo.

And she managed to pout all the way through the 45 minutes that Redfish played. But I only hung around for a little while and then I went to dance. At the end of the set, she was still adamantly NOT having fun.

But then, something happened. A very sweet little girl who was actually in my very first dance class had noticed the unhappy Rhiannon. And she wanted to help her to be happy. She approached Rhiannon and asked her to help her (her mom was one of the organizers of the event). There was a circus performance after Redfish was over and I went to get Rhiannon but she was no longer stationed in her pouting spot (facing away from the stage, I might add). Finally I spotted her in the front row, raptly watching the circus performance. She was even smiling.

And that was it. We stayed almost until the very end. Rhiannon didn't want to leave. She hung out with the other kids and ran around, filling pretzel dishes and laughing. Doesn't she look radiant? A much better way to bring in the New Year.

And I got Dean to dance with me. He had had sufficient libation that he would entertain such a request. I got him to dance with me a lot. There was a funky band from Nelson called Wassabi Collective (worth looking up) that were the headliners and were great to dance to. We danced in the New Year - is there a better way to see it in for someone who loves dancing as much as I do?

But an aside about dancing. I have been to alot of dances in my life and danced with a lot of people. These days I mostly dance with other women and it is more of a singular thing - finding my own groove to the music. But when it comes to dancing with a partner, there is one I prefer above all others. Do you know who it is? It is my brother, Doug. He was my first dancing partner. We learned how to jive together when I was 10 and he was 9. I love dancing with him. Sometimes when I am at dances and the music is grooving, I miss him very sharply. I have some Powder Blues songs in Erin's reception playlist to facilitate just such fun.

Okay, so the Christmas Post

2011-01-03T19:27:00.001-08:00

Things go along more or less the same for so long when you have kids and then everything changes. This has been happening around here as Eryn and Kaetlyn set out on their own and establish their own homes. I knew this year was going to be quite different. Eryn and Tyler have his family to spend time with and Eryn was working on Christmas Day at the radio station. Kaetlyn decided to do her own thing for Christmas which didn't include us. She's 19 - what can I say?

So it meant that Christmas morning it would just be the four of us - Rhiannon, Andrew, Dean and I. It would be oh-so-much quieter and oh-so-much smaller and just oh-so-different. I must admit that coming up to it, I felt a little trepidatious and nostalgic for earlier times. But of course, in the end it was perfect. But let me start at the beginning.

Dean's last day of work was the 22nd so our holidays started on the 23rd. It was nice, we got to spread things out instead of cramming them all into Christmas Eve. He took Andrew and Rhiannon sledding in the morning. Then after lunch, we headed to the Towne theatre to see Harry Potter. It was a surprise for Rhiannon but she figured it out just before we left when Dean mentioned popcorn.

Then Christmas Eve I woke up around 4am as I had done the previous two mornings - my mind full of all the things to finish. I got up worked until 9am. By then I was tired... really tired.... so tired I didn't feel like doing anything. So I wrote up lists for Dean, Drew and Rhiannon, woke them up and put ear plugs in and went back to sleep myself. I slept for a solid 2 and a half hours. When I got up they had each completed their lists. It was amazing!

We went to get some hay for the sheep and Rhiannon and I managed to make to the Christmas Eve service at the Alliance Church. It has been a few years since I have done that. I just felt the need this year. I just love to sing the Christmas hymns and carols in the middle of a singing congregation. You can sing at the top of your lungs. I love it. At home Andrew and Dean finished dinner preparations.

Rhiannon and I got home just before Eryn and Tyler got here. We made enchiladas together - they were really good. We used the Mesa sauce from the Rebar Cookbook but just made simple enchiladas with refried beans, salsa and cheese. After we ate, we each opened a present. I opened my gift from Tyler which was some fleece pj pants. Eryn and Tyler left for Tyler's parents place and the four of us watched A Christmas Carol - Dean's contribution to our Christmas Eve traditions. Rhiannon and Drew went to bed (rather early) and I started (yes, I said started...) on Dean's gifts. Drew had bought some flannel for me to sew him some pj pants for him to put in his stocking and I got some flannel to make him another pair. I sewed both of those on Christmas Eve while listening to Christmas music on my ipod. Have you heard the Annie Lennox Christmas CD? I LOVE it.

After I finished my mad sewing, I stuffed the two meagre stockings, arranged the Santa gifts under the tree and went to bed. Dean who had been coming down with a cold was already asleep.

Amazingly, I was the first one awake on Christmas morning at 8am. I put Andrew and Rhiannon's stocking on their beds. Before too long, Andrew brought Dean and I our stockings. Thoughtful boy! He knew that Eryn and Kaetlyn would not be contributing to them this year and he just took care of it all himself. He got me several bags of loose tea - my favourites from Simply Delicious (rooiboos bourbon and rooiboos chai, blueberry rooiboos and good Japanese green tea). With only the four of us, opening gifts did not take that long. We waited for Eryn to get here to open the ones from her and Tyler.

I got spoiled by Laura. She gave me some things from Lush, some earrings that she and Katie made, some prints of her gorgeous photos and that gorgeous book she made herself that she talked about on her blog. So beautiful and special, it is hard to think of actually writing in it... We opened them together on Skype which was fun.

Eventually Eryn and Tyler got here. We opened more gifts. We worked on dinner preparations together. People were a bit crabby from all the sugar but mostly it flowed along. Rhiannon especially was over tired and sugared out. But dinner was nice. Eryn and Tyler left shortly after we finished eating. Everyone was so stuffed that hardly any of Eryn's decadent desserts were eaten.

So that was Christmas. It was fun. It was busy. And I missed Kaetlyn. We dropped off her gifts on her doorstep a couple of days before Christmas. It was different but it was okay. Things are changing. Either I need to get some grandchildren, or I am going to have to go visit sibs who have younger children. I don't think I am ready for an adult Christmas....

The Rush

2010-12-14T08:44:00.001-08:00

Some years I practically hibernate over Christmas, avoiding the malls, the busy streets, the crowded activities and prefer to stay at home happily crafting my own Christmas, trying to lure in my older children with promises of Christmas baking.... But this year has felt like a time of getting the most out of what is out there. Dean and Rhiannon took in the downtown Christmas light up at the end of November. And this weekend was action packed. It started on Thursday when Penny treated Rhiannon and I to a Christmas play at the Alliance Church. It was so very well done - the acting was excellent and of course, the story had a very uplifting message.

Friday found Rhiannon performing with not only the Carriage House Orchestra but also with the Debut Orchestra and the Suzuki group. This year she has moved up to the Carriage House Orchestra which has been an exciting challenge for her. This Christmas they learned 3 pieces from the Messiah which were beautiful and of course included the Hallelujah Chorus and For Unto Us a Child is Born. Even listening to them practise was wonderful. One week I had to help point (help the less experienced players like Rhiannon follow along in the music as they are learning it) and I was lousy at it but to be sitting in the middle of the violins during those pieces was so incredible.

Here she is waiting to go on. I couldn't convince her to tuck in her shirt....

And here is a recording from my seat at the back of the church. You can't see her because she is in the back of the second violin section behind some tall boys but you can hear the effect.

And here she is with the Debut Orchestra. You can't tell its her that she is the one on the far left closest to the front.

Then Saturday I put on a Christmas Party for my dance classes here at the house. Eryn came to help. 10 of my 12 dancers were there and an extra kid besides. We had snacks, visited the animals and watched my copy of the Nutcracker danced by Baryshnikov - well part of it until they started to get too restless. And then we decorated some Christmas cookies and played a rousing game of "Upset the Fruitbasket" which was so fun. While still riding the wave of energy, I suggested after the last one had cleared out that we go do some Christmas shopping. After about 15 minutes in the mall, my exhaustion hit but now I was committed so I dragged myself about for awhile longer, trying to be supportive of Erin.

Sunday we picked up a friend of Rhiannon's and headed out to O'Keefe Ranch to see their Victorian Christmas. We were there right when it opened at 2pm. If I ever go again, I will go later so you can see the lights. We listened to carols, roasted marshmallows, drank hot chocolate and went for 2 hay rides. And Rhiannon and her friend soaked Dean in snow balls.

On our way home we picked up our Christmas tree. Eryn and Tyler came over and we made homemade pizza, decorated the tree and then decorated a slough of sugar cookies. Most of Tylers have happy faces on them which he did mostly to bug Eryn.

Rhiannon and I have a goal to watch a Christmas movie every day. We're not doing so well but we have watched "Its a Wonderful Life" with a young and handsome Jimmy Stewart. Rhiannon had never seen it. I have several more ready to go. Any recommendations for good Christmas movies?

The Way of the Farm

2010-12-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday was a hard day. I had tried to sell Mila and Blue all summer and fall. At one point it looked like I had them both sold. I was so excited to have our first ewe lambs on the farm - who wouldn't have to be eaten. But alas, the sales both fell through. I would love to keep them but I simply can't as long as we rent here and have limited space. If I kept them, then I would have 7 in my permanent flock. If Brida had triplets, Draga and Eirina had twins and Lifa, Meela and Blue all had singles and all the lambs survived, then I would have 10 lambs and have to feed 16 sheep. Overcrowding would endanger the health of my whole flock. I am keeping Lifa because I need/want another white sheep.

I had to face facts. It was pretty easy to sell them as meat. The slaughter guy came last Wednesday. It was the hardest one yet. Basil was hard but I always knew that was his destiny. These we really hoped to sell alive and to think of them going on. The hardest part was Draga. That ferocious mama was ready to take out the slaughter guy. She knew her babies were in trouble. I tied her up where she couldn't see what was happening and then I sat with her in the snow and stroked her face and told her how much I appreciated her babies and what a great mama she was and how well she grew them and that I was sorry we couldn't keep them. She pushed her head against me and took my comfort.

I have their hides hanging on the fence and this week I am going to start tanning them. It seems only right and respectful of their sacrifice to do that.

And she really did a great job of raising them. They weighed out at 46lbs and 39. And that is awesome and the biggest spring lambs I have raised so far. Of course, Eclipse is still on the hoof until closer to Eryn's wedding.

And that is the way of the farm. As much as I love my sheep, they are not pets but farm animals. The sale of those two sheep more than pays for a winter's worth of hay. Thanks Mila and Blue!

More About the Fall

2010-12-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

I am glad to see the 'Stretched and Ripped Off' a ways away now. It was a challenging summer in some ways and the summer left abruptly, much sooner than it should have, that's for sure! But we made plans to make up for our missing holiday. We bought a new van - a Toyota Previa, which I am in-love with. And the next day we loaded it up with a huge turkey, a huge leg of lamb, pumpkin, tomatoes, bike and suitcases and headed down to Nanaimo to my sister Katie's place for an extended Thanksgiving.

Let me tell you, Katie and Brent are great guests but they are even better hosts! The weather cooperated. In Vernon it was sunny and + 20 degrees leading up to our holiday. When we drove out of town on a Wednesday afternoon, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. We stayed at Doug's in Mission that night and caught the 10am ferry the next morning. There were dolphins or porpoises leaping and doing flips in Horseshoe Bay. It was misty but the sun was peeking through every now and then. I loved smelling the sea air again. Andrew and I spent most of the time outside on the decks.

So we got to Katies around noon on Thursday. The weather in Nanaimo was pretty good, too. There was some rain, of course but that didn't stop us from enjoying time outside. There was glorious sunshine, too. Katie and Brent got right into the summer holiday mood. N and M took Friday off of school and Brent even took the day off of work. We went to Coombs and snooped around the shops, ate handfulls of bread and icecream, even though it was kind of cold. We stopped in Parksville briefly on the way home and I got some yarn and a not-as-good-as-expected yarn store to make Elizabeth a toque. It was super windy at the beach but we hung out for a little while.

Laura came that night and we had Basil's tasty leg which Brent cooked to extreme perfection - pretty good for the first time cooking lamb! It was all soooo good! Saturday we hiked around Piper's Lagoon in the rain. Laura has posted some awesome pics here (we left our camera on the table at home...). And the next day just Laura, Katie and I hung out at Sugar Loaf which I had never been to before. The turkey was fantastic, of course. Brent was involved, after all. I made a pumpkin pie from my pumpkin - two actually in pie crusts that Sarah had left behind. I made it with one of my french cooking pumpkins - a Galeux d'Eysines to be exact. It is the same as these but mine are a paler orange and not as warty with wonderfully textured, thick flesh.

Dean watched a lot of imax on Brent's surround sound and ate a lot of bacon that Brent cooked up and layed around reading his book. Rhiannon disappeared into her cousins' bedroom and surfaced occasionally to play wii. Drew tried out the skate park that was close to Katie's place, read his book, helped Brent make popcorn, watched girl movies with us and slept alot.

It was just an awesome visit. I am so blessed to have such great sisters and this great sister in particular. It was exactly what I needed. We stayed up late talking and watching movies that no one in my family would ever watch with me and laughing and laughing and laughing about the past, about each other, about other silly things. It was just so good. I went home feeling grateful and filled up and not ripped off at all.

Holiday Reading

2010-12-01T05:42:00.000-08:00

3 posts in a row, could I be back in the saddle? Perhaps... except this is a post I have been meaning to write since the hot, sultry summer. It happened that Rhiannon had run out of things to read and was requesting my help to navigate our overloaded bookshelves and recommend some books. I came across a book that had been given to Dean long before by someone who had weird ideas about his reading proclivity. It had won a children's literature award and was considered juvenile fiction. Rhiannon started reading the book and enjoyed it.

There are two times of the year when good novels are a 'must' for me - summer on the beach or sitting in the backyard when it is too hot to work in the garden or do any of the many other chores I have and Christmas - especially between Christmas and New Years on the blissful cocooned days after the storm of getting ready for Christmas. So I am making these recommendations now. I picked up Rhiannon's book and started reading it myself, just to check it out and because I, too, had run out of something to read. And I got hooked. I loved the story and went on to read the rest of the series, even when it meant buying the last book in the series in hardcover.

So here is my holiday reading recommendation sure it was meant for the beach but it will work for winter holidays, too. Megan Whalen Turner's Thief Series that stars with this book, "The Thief". We loved the whole series. There is also "The Queen of Attolia", "The King of Attolia" and "Conspiracy of Kings". They are very will written by a master storyteller. "The Thief especially has an awesome ending. Rhiannon and I marvelled about it for days. One of the things I really liked about it is that because these books are considered juvenile fiction, although there is a wonderful romance as part of the story, there is no explicit sex because I would prefer not to read about that. It was just very well written and very compelling.

They are set in the past, based loosely on a fictional, Byzantium Greece. I just might read this series again, I loved being in the story so much.... and I never do that.

Hallelujah

2010-11-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

Okay I am just starting to menstruate and due to 'the change' my hormones are stronger than usual but still this made me bawl my eyes out this morning. Considering I was raised with more records of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir than anything else played in my home (aren't you guys lucky you had me and the brothers to ameliorate that a little!)I do love Handel's Messiah and especially the Hallelujah Chorus. There is something about the way it is presented here with the choir members dressed like mall shoppers and workers that gets to me - the symbolism it evokes - kind of like the lyrics to Drummer Boy. Anyways, here it is. Enjoy.

For my sisters - Faith

2010-11-29T06:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, it has been waaaayyy too long since I posted and I have a lot of things I wanted to share with all of you. The only advantage to such a long hiatus is that likely my sisters are the only ones devoted enough to still be checking my blog. I wrote this poem yesterday. It has been a hard 10 days since the temperature dropped way below norms and the snow piled up. They say it hasn't been this cold here since 1985 and I know they haven't had this much snow in November since 1994 when Andrew turned 1 - our first year here. We were totally unprepared. It has been stressful and I have had to face my ugliest, most dramatic fears and try to let go and have faith. I would hesitate to share this poem with anyone - although obviously, I am posting it in a public space and anyone could read it.

It is true that I left the Mormon church 17 years ago and it is a decision I don't regret. And perhaps I left it in an unusual way because I am not bitter about the church. I am not into all the myriad of anti-Mormon literature. I don't need to prove Joseph Smith a fraud. In fact, I hope he's not. It just ceased to matter to me. I am grateful for my LDS upbringing. Jesus, as the Mormons conceptualize Him, continues to be very meaningful to me and the greatest comfort in my life. But it has become a very private thing. His picture hangs in my bedroom, festooned with ribbons that mean something to me. It is the LDS picture of a strong, broad shouldered Jesus with a confident, knowing, loving face. In my heart I consider myself a Christian although I would never openly declare it (although I guess I just have) because of the many connotations and judgmental-ism that have unfortunately been attached to that term. I am a Christian in the sense that I am a follower of Christ and I strive to live up to the ideals He preached. However, I don't believe that He is the only way. I believe there are other ways. But He is my way.

Anyways, this week has been a week of prayer, of contemplation, of being with myself, of fighting the demons of doubt, fear and judgment. And yesterday while I was writing in my journal, this poem emerged and I wanted to share it with my sisters because I thought they might understand and appreciate it.

Sunday, November 28

Come unto Jesus ye heavy laden

Tired and careworn, by sin oppressed

I come

I creep

I lay my burden at His feet

Down my armadillo armour

Heavy as lead

My plated armour guarding against slings and arrows, responsibility, blame,

My own shame

Leak through; pour through

And fester in my heart

Their cruel words a chant in my ears

A reverberating wound

Denying abundance, grace, faith

And love

Armour left at His feet, I uncurl from my foetal position

I open slowly, unfamiliar

Pale, soft, vulnerable

I open at His feet

I tremble, exposed

And clutch for my armour

In a frantic panic

Stop

My breath a sigh

Ahhhhh, Mmmmmm

Bless this armour

Love this armour

I uncurl at His feet

His wounds exposed

My heavy armour light upon His shoulders

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light Matt 11:31

Stretched and Ripped Off

2010-09-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting here reading a good dose of my sister's blog posts - almost everyone had a new one from the last time I read and eating a good bowl of borscht made from a rooster named Paganini whose death Laura witnessed. He was the fattiest rooster I have ever cooked - I should have skinned him first. By the time I was done scooping all the fat off the top of the broth, 1/3 of it was gone! He's delicious, nonetheless but that is not what I am writing about today.

Sitting here sipping warm soup, I have to face it. Summer is over. Usually September is a lovely month. Even as the nights get longer, the days are still hot. Its not uncommon to have 30 degree days. It is a time we like to go to empty beaches and swim. The latest I have ever swam in the lake is Sept 30 and it was awesome. I doubt that will happen this year. Since the end of August it has been cool and damp - highs during the day of less than 20. I've been wearing long pants, sweaters and socks! And I had to give in and turn the heat on. And I NEVER turn it on before October - and usually I aim for Eryn's birthday, Oct. 18, which I did the year she was born.

So I feel ripped off. There were still summer things I thought I had time to do. I had a lot of company this summer, which was wonderful. I loved seeing my brother and his family, Bethany, Sarah and Laura - I was pretty lucky to see so many siblings! But I never got a holiday. We had to kibosh our original plans to go camping with Katie and Sarah the beginning of July because a) we were worried the van wasn't up to it and b) because of an extremely expensive chicken coop, we were behind on having the money to replace it. Then we were going to go somewhere close in mid August but by then, the van really had died a peaceful death - the transmission went. We were expecting it but hoping for a little longer. We are in the process of making payments on a new-to-us van. Anyways, that kept us homebound. I feel like I facilitated several other people's holidays but haven't had one. Although me and the kids made it to Winnipeg and had a great time in May, we didn't have our family holiday, which usually involves water, a tent, and nothing else to do but camp. I love those times as a family - they are precious. But the time for that has past. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving at Katie's and I hope to get at least a little of that. We are planning on taking a couple days off so we will be there for longer.

So, I didn't get the recharging that I usually do in the summer. And right now I am working on some really hard (for me) things. I feel really stretched. The kind where there is nothing to do but put my head down and watch my feet make one step after another. I seem to do that with big shifts - put myself in a position where there is a choice between dire consequences (crash and burn) or do this thing I am afraid of doing. I am not too fond of crashing and burning so I am doing it. What exactly 'it' is, I am not going to share just now. Nothing bad, just my own development and growth that I am sure is very easy for some other people.

A Note From the Present

2010-08-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Here it is, August 29. The end of summer is inevitably nigh. (yes, Laura, archaic word, is it not?). The sun sets sooner, the nights are cooler and yesterday morning I could see my breath! And there are still things I want to tell you about from the summer but soon, it will be everlastingly too late and unseasonal. But today, I have a note from the present.

I have never lived alone. Its true. I left my family of 12 (pre-twins when it would be come a family of 14) just 11 days after the 10th child was born to live with my dad's cousin's family of 8 while I went to University at BYU. I left BYU to get married. Although that only lasted 3 years, by the time I was 22 and I had a 1 year old. And that was that. The window for living alone for me had passed until the other end of my life. And because I homeschool my children and we run our own business from home, I am alone very infrequently.

Although I am an extrovert and I enjoy being around people and being busy, this is such a constant in my life that being alone is truly golden to me. This weekend, Dean is playing in Revelstoke and Rhiannon had a sleepover birthday party. Although Drew did find his way home to sleep sometime in the night, my evening was spent totally alone.

So what did I do? I cleaned the kitchen. It was Saturday Night and I cleaned the kitchen which had been in a state of disarray since Sarah, Kyle, Adriel and Sloan ate breakfast there... on Thursday morning. The frying pans from the baked apple pancakes were still on the table on hotplates although there was no danger of burning the table.... As I organized everything, the mound beside the sink grew to momentous proportions. I played Fleetwood Mac music that I have downloaded to my ipod and deleted stuff I didn't like (almost everything pre-Lindsay Buckingham), fed all the animals and got them all tucked in for the night. Then I heated up some falafel and made myself a wrap with tziki that Eryn and I made and fresh tomatoes and cucumber from the garden. I took it along with some cherry tomatoes upstairs and watched "The Soloist" which I hadn't seen before. And then I went to bed and read a little of Mitch Album's latest book, "Have a Little Faith" and went to sleep with ear plugs in so I couldn't hear the stupid dogs from next door.

When I am alone like that, I find it so peaceful and I am able to really be right in the moment and be aware of the moment at the same time. Like when I am walking back from the coop, I like the effect of my music spilling out onto the porch and into the evening - my happiness, my quiet joy. I notice the light as the sun sets. And when there is no music playing, I notice the stillness around me. Like right now. I have 2 1/2 hours left of my own time before I go and get Rhiannon...

Life and Death on the Farm

2010-08-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

Its something you have to accept but it is never easy. There have been some accidental deaths on the farm. It turned out that Eclipse was not just one huge baby. Hours after I had even written that post, his mother gave birth to a still born ewelamb. She was small and not fully developed like Draga's stillborn last year. I buried her and thought that was the end of it. But hours after that, Brida was struggling with what I thought was the afterbirth when I left for dance class. But when I came back there was another dead lamb in the lambing pen. Another black ewe lamb who she had given birth to breach. She had obviously been alive when the whole birth process began but a lamb cannot survive a breach birth due to the umbilical chord breaking and the nose not being out. She was a good size. I was very sad to discover her but even sadder that I had not known and that Brida had had to push out a large lamb in the breach position. Her vulva was swollen and very sore. It is a testament to her fortitude that she managed to give birth this way and survive. So I buried her, too. Brida had triplets, not one huge baby. But only one huge baby survived. We grieved, we buried them.

This spring, I bought a nanking cherry tree and planted it over the graves of Freya and Bjorn. She loved nanking cherries. And when little Lifa was born, I celebrated her return.

I worry over my sheep, listen to there sounds, checking for health and distress. When Zeus barks furiously in the night, I get up to check if there is really a bear in the pen (so far there never has been). I feel gratified when the sheep shearer tells me what good health they are in - especially when he says that he would have never guessed that Brida could look so good (he had shorn her in her previous life as Princessa at Pineridge Icelandics).

Then it is with sadness that I call the guy to come and slaughter the first lamb to survive on my farm. And I lead him easily (because he is so tame and even tempered) to the slaughter. My heart was in my throat that day that Basil met his end. I brought him into this world, I looked after him, I loved him and then I had him killed. It was hard. And I think it supposed to be hard. I take life to eat - we all do. Even if we eat only plants - they were alive once, too. And I, too am in the circle of life and will one day be food for plants. On this day I am reminded of my place. Reminded to be thoughtful of what I take to live.

However, this does not stop me from thoroughly enjoying eating him. We had the first lamb chops for supper last night along with pesto pasta salad, corn on the cob and a gooey dessert. Look at that - nice thick lamb chops. He weighed out at 63 lbs! More than twice what any of the others have been. I am so impressed. And grateful. Thank you, Basil! Last night we ate him with BBQ sauce, though....

Before That

2010-08-17T05:56:00.001-07:00

Before that I had some of my favourite visitors. My brother, Doug, was in the middle of moving. He came to get our Dad's trailer that was left at my house and left 3 of his kids. His trip here actually involved a middle of the night rescue from a tire problem that needed towing on the tail end of the Coquihalla Connector about 50 km's out of Kelowna, in true Doug fashion. It just wouldn't be a visit from him without a little vehicular drama.

So I had 3 of his 7 children for the week. I had to keep up my 'fun-auntie' image so after I recovered from my lack of sleep, Eryn and I put on an action packed first weekend. It was cool that first Saturday so we headed for O'Keefe Ranch. As luck would have it, it was Cowboy Days with lots going on. We toured the ranch, took in some cowboy events, did some felting, rode some horses and visited all the usual spots.

Here they are in the bunk house where you can dress up in old clothes. They are purposely not smiling to make it more authentic.

We thought that Caleb looked like a certain figure from Mormon church history, if you know what I mean, with his longish hair and that blousey shirt.

Here are the other two in their get up.

And here is Rhiannon in the schoolhouse posing seriously in the desk. I am not sure who took this picture. Maybe she set it up herself...

We got to go on a tractor ride around the ranch. And then they each got a turn riding a horse. Those were tall horses! No pony rides, here!

For supper, we packed a cooler and headed down to Juniper Bay to cool off because it was no longer a cool day.

At my house there was lots of chick taming.

And music making.

And we even got a visit from some other cousins who happened to be in Penticton and came for a BBQ one evening.

We took in the Science Centre and the water park and we went to Kal Beach several times. I would say it was a successful visit and I think I managed to maintain my reputation.

Then on the following weekend, Doug and Delanie came back with the rest of the family and hung out. They got in a little beaching and then it got overcast and cool, as it often does when coastal people visit, somehow. And then Monday morning they packed up and were gone and it was soooooo quiet around here!

Start Here

2010-08-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

It is dawn. I've been up for awhile. I woke up at 3am and decided it was time to do my taxes. They're done now and I'm watching Renauld and Eclipse play tag with Zeus. It is a game for boys only, I guess because the ewes and ewe lambs never participate. Its a funny game. Eclipse started playing as soon as he was steady enough on his feet to play - even then, he was knocked flying the first few times. Zeus has learned how to not play too rough. Wool doesn't get torn out of hides any more. But Renauld does occasionally have a sore on his head from a stray tooth - it doesn't seem to dissuade him, though. The rams are usually the instigators - they paw at Zeus when he is laying down. It used to be a four-way game with Basil, too. But Basil is gone. Well.... not gone really. He's still here - just in the freezer, so he can't play. But that's another blog post...

I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. It bugs me. Bethany's beautiful skins are always an inspiration - I feel duty bound to blog when she has gone to all that trouble! In my mind, I have written dozens of posts. Somehow they never made it onto here. I took the pictures and everything. I'm going to try to complete some of them but in the meantime, I'm starting here.

This is what I wanted to tell you about this week. Phil was here. (no not that Phil, thank goodness!) Philip Copping, the sheep shearer. I always mean to document it every time but somehow I get caught up in catching sheep and stuffing bags with wool and no pictures get taken. To be honest, he was halfway done before I remembered and ran and got Rhiannon's camera.

Here he is almost done Blue - one of Draga's twins - the first one to come out.

And here is Draga being relieved of her fleece. Its true that sheep do not especially enjoy the process of being shorn. But they sure like it afterwards and run and leap like lambs.

Here's Draga's sleek, new look. I always think she looks a bit like a holstein when she is shorn.

These are the piles of fleeces accumulating on the cleanly swept basketball court. The little black piles are the lambs and the big white one is Eirina's.

Eirina and her lamb, Lifa are pretty hard to tell apart now. Eirina is only a little bigger with slightly longer horns. She has been a super mom. However, on sheering day, her and Lifa spent the whole day looking for each other - standing only feet apart, baaing and baaing. Lifa baaed so much she was hoarse by the end of the day. They just did not recognize each other without their fleece. Silly sheep. When I put them in the pen at the end of the day, they finally figured it out.

Renauld is always the most dramatic. He is the best wool grower - he is bigger than the ewes and he doesn't have to grow babies and then feed them milk. He can put all his energy into wool, which he does fairly well. He is now full grown at just over 2 years old. The shearer says he weighs almost 200 lbs now.

Here he is without his fleece.

Now I need to sell two of these lambs before it is mating season. Want a black and white ewe lamb?

Out of my Comfort Zone

2010-06-26T14:34:00.000-07:00

3pm:

Okay, so. Two weeks ago I went and bought 5 more rabbits - 3 satin angoras and one satin angora hybrid and a french angora. 2 bucks and 3 does. Great. Only that means that I need more rabbit hutches. As my dad is in Guyana, it means that I am more or less on my own. I have procrastinated 3 weeks now (I was supposed to have them built before they arrived) and the temporary housing I have been using is very much less than ideal. So today is the day. And I am really on my own. Eryn who has been working very hard all week is not up for helping. Kaetlyn doesn't want to and Andrew has 'other plans'. Dean has gone to Revelstoke to play in the music festival there and Rhiannon is reading a very exciting book...

For some reason I feel very sad. Its not because I am on my own with the rabbit hutches - the rabbits are my thing, really. I think I just really miss my parents. My grandmother - my last grandparent's death has accentuated it. Your grandparents are your first line of defence in mortality, in the natural order of things. Now mine are all gone. The next to go will be my parents. Maybe that is morbid or whatever or dramatic but, really, that is a big part of how I feel and my grief. I really wish my Mom was somewhere near or that I would see her at the memorial. It would just be really good to touch her right now. I really, really miss her and I have never been much for missing anyone.

Anyways, this is where you come in. This will be a blog post in progress. I am building the rabbit hutch by myself. I am trying to copy the last one that my dad built. I am going to update this post as I go along. Maybe you could lend a hand? Or at least be a sympathetic ear? I am not a huge fan of power tools and I have seldom used them and never all on my own like this. I am rather attached to my fingers... but here goes!

What? Why of course I can fit a sheet of plywood in my minivan! I don't need to sit up straight while I drive!?!

All the wood and supplies. Can you help me with that plywood? No? Okay, I'll just drag it.

Time to get changed into my work clothes and get my hair out of the way.

Got my dad's tools out of the basement - drill batteries all charged (but man that thing is heavy! I'm going to get a work out just screwing in screws!)

Here I am with all the supplies. Bags of screws and hinges by my feet. Hope I remembered everything! I'm going to eat something and get out to work. Be back in an hour or so to let you know how its going!

******************************************************************
6:00pm

Okay, so an hour took longer than I thought... I spent too long trying to figure out how that mitre saw worked. I tried calling several people (no one was home) and looking it up on-line. I didn't find anything that didn't assume that I already had a basic working knowledge.... But somehow I figured it out. I found the switch that doesn't look anything like a switch, if you ask me. I cut the wood. I still have all 4 fingers and both thumbs.

Then I did this. While doing this, I pondered on the mystery of the drill. Like why does it snug up the two pieces of wood sometimes and not others and no matter what I do, I can't get it to 'snug up'? What is the trick? Why has no one taught me this?

And then of course, I realized that I did it all wrong. So I had to take it apart anyways and do this:

and then this:

Which I did before coming in to write about it. Next I will attach the welded wire. This is the bottom of the cage. Then I will reattach all those legs that I had to 'unscrew'.

Did I mention that I hate 'screwing'? I do. I always strip screw heads. And curse. Screwing makes me curse. I hate it that much. I see some people who can use a drill and screw in screws with ease. It isn't easy for me and I'd like to know why!

See you in another 'hour'!

8:30

This is how far I got - the basic frame with the bottom wire attached. Whew!

Betty Helen Cooke McLean

2010-06-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

My grandmother left this world around dawn on June 20. My uncle says she went peacefully in her sleep. I'd like to go that way. And thus ends the era of grandparents. She was my last living grandparent and somehow I thought she would last forever. She was the oldest of my grandparents (except for Grandpa Clarke was was 10 years older than my grandma Clarke and died when I was 18) and she had never really been in great health - always something going on. She had had TB, lupus and arthritis and 2 nervous breakdowns. But somehow she just kept going. She was 93 and a half.

I had no internet from Thursday to Monday afternoon. When I finally got back online, I got the news in an e-mail from my uncle. I was just shocked. She was gone. And I can't remember exactly when the last time was that I saw her. I think it was shortly after she moved to the longterm care facility she was in until she died. We took her out for a walk in her wheelchair and she told us horror stories of the other residents lunchtime behaviour and worried about being back in time for lunch. She was always glad to see me and proud to show me and my children off to anyone who would listen. Mostly that first day I was just in shock - feeling nothing, really. I talked to my aunt for about an hour on the phone who cried and I listened.

Then I woke up the next morning feeling like my chest had been cracked open. It was homeschooling waterslide day so I took along my journal. I sat at a table by myself and I wrote and wrote, cried, slid and slept on the grass and wrote some more. My grandma was an introvert. She could seem rather aloof in person but luckily that is not all that I knew from her. She wrote letters to me my whole life until she couldn't write any more. I have more letters from her than from everyone else who ever wrote me put together. In her letters she was warm, witty and shared with me her thoughts and beliefs about politics, religion, my ancestors and the birds at her bird feeder and the flowers blooming in her garden. Some letters are more than 20 pages long, describing family members or some important event. Her descriptions are eloquent.

When I was a child, I named all my cats after her - Betty. I can remember being babysat by her, taken to the library by her. I can remember her reading to me, teaching me to count in French, introducing me to Sesame Street. When I was a teenager she was the first person to talk (write) to me like I was an adult. She took me and my ideas seriously and discussed them with me through the mail. Sometimes seeing her in person was a let down after the intimacy of our letters. But I am so grateful for those letters. Grateful that she shared herself with me, that I know her. I know that she loved me in the best way that she could. When I was distant from my family, she wrote to me still at regular intervals with news of her life. She reached out.

When I lived in Richmond and she lived in her co-op in Richmond, we saw her often. I have a picture of Erin in her red dress sitting on Grandma's red chair from one of those visits. She loved to have pictures. She had an ever-updating collage under a sheet of plexiglass on a bureau in her dining room and on her coffee table.

I carry so much of her with me - my mother's mother. I have her green eyes and share her same fascination for genetics and family history. I am so grateful to be her granddaughter and to have had the privilege of knowing her in this lifetime for almost 45 years. Good-bye Grandma B. She believed there was nothing after death but I have a hard time believing that the essence that was her does not go on. I love you Grandma - did I tell you that enough? Thank you for everything.

What's for Dinner

2010-06-14T20:04:00.001-07:00

Its that time of year. I have sheep milk to play with. This year I am just milking Brida. I have tried a couple of times to milk Draga who was so eager to be milked last year but this year, although she is happy to jump up on the stanchion, she is not so keen to let me touch her udder. Seeing as she has twins who are growing wonderfully, I have just been letting her be until the twins are gone.

Anyways, with sheep milk comes sheep cheese. This year I made Labneh, which is a cheese made from yogurt, so I first made yogurt and then made this cheese. Oh my goodness! It is so good! I am going to make some more feta but I haven't got around to it yet. I need to soon, though. I have a lot of milk in the fridge.

Tonight we had one of my favourites during sheep cheese season. I used what was left of the labneh to make Cannelloni with fresh nettle, oregano and basil from the garden and lots of garlic and some Parmesan cheese and fried mushrooms on top. It is so good! It smells so good when it is cooking and it is so delicious! Creamy and tasty!

Here's what it looks like when you cut it up.

So About Winnipeg

2010-06-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

It was the perfect vacation, really. Lots of activity but at a good pace with enough downtime in between. Having the Okanagan Science Centre membership was really nice. It got us into the Children's Museum for free which was just a couple of blocks away from our hotel so we could go hang out for an hour or two as we felt like it and didn't have to worry about making the most out of paying to go once, if you know what I mean. It also got us into the Science Gallery downstairs of the Manitoba Museum. We also went to the Museum and the Zoo which we got to use Rhiannon's homeschooling money to get into. We connected with some of Ronni's old friends and my midwife who attended Andrew's birth. We got a lot done in those few days. And of course, I did my fabric shopping. Not quite the same as when I left it 16 years ago but pretty darn good! Oh how I hate Fabricland and the fact that it is the only fabric store in Vernon... Eryn wanted to go in there today to look at a sale and I just couldn't believe it... fabric I had just seen for $8 a metre on for $25. If Mitchell's can make money for 60 years as a family owned store, why does Fabricland have to sell their fabric like it is made of gold? It takes all the fun out of sewing for me. I like to feel like I am making something better and unique AND it is a bargain, too - like my effort is worth something. I felt a little frustrated standing in Mitchells and looking around... so many things I would like to make, so many projects I could do if I had a fabric store like that in my city. The upholstery fabric.... the fancy fabrics, the unbleached cotton, the netting, the tablecloth material.... ah... sigh.... I was even a bit angry! Why aren't there better fabric stores in Vernon! (So, you bet, Sarah, if you moved there, I would definitely come and visit you! I'd come in February and we could go to the Festival du Voyageur together and I'll show you all my favourite places! And I'll come in the summer and we'll go to Lake Winnipeg!) As it was, the empty suitcase I brought with me was full of fabric on the way home. And there is a stack of inspiration upstairs in my sewing room!

The kids were great. It was so fun to be with Ronni and Megan. We just had a great time. I forgot the camera and Drew's was acting up so there are not a lot. But it was one of those times when I preferred just being there and in the moment instead of documenting the moment. There are many images in my mind of the kids playing and talking to each other, listening to each other, caring about each other and making it fun for one another.

And wow, it was something to be back there after all this time. I revisited my old self. I could remember so clearly how it was when I came there; my sense of adventure. And it was a great 3 years. It is hard to put into words - so many feelings and deep thoughts. Life is such a journey. We think we are going one way but we end up somewhere else. I can't imagine my life without Dean who is my rock and Rhiannon. And they were here in BC. I am a BC girl. I was born in Vancouver and have lived my whole life all over this province. I have lived in every region except the Peace. And I needed to come back. I just didn't really realize it at the time.

And I arrived here in Vernon 16 years ago June 1. After I had been here about 3 years, I almost left. A single mom of 3 kids at that point, I applied for a job in Qualicum Beach and was interviewed. While I was pondering if I would really move there if I was offered the job, I decided it was time to stop moving. I wanted to know what it was like to live in a place for more than 5 years (my previous record - 5 years in Terrace, even in the same house). So I stayed. Now this is my kids' hometown. Kaetlyn and Drew can't remember living anywhere else and Rhiannon hasn't.

I've come to realize that it is a real investment to live somewhere for 16 years. There is a huge and complex web that holds us here. It is something that I never got to experience as a kid. I think it is something to live in a community where there are people who have known you since you were a little kid. It connects you in ways that can't be simulated in any other way. Over the years I have done so many different things - counselled, employment counselling, free seminars, the Inner World School, volunteering for minor sports, window washing, homeschooled, schooled, that it is pretty hard to go anywhere and not see someone that I know somehow. At this point, it would take a lot to get me to leave. Not to mention the weather, the climate and the growing season. At this point, I can't imagine why I would ever leave!

Anyways, I have been slowly recovering from our vacation. Processing what it all meant to me. And feeling grateful for how it all works - beyond our puny consciousness. I needed to go to Winnipeg. And then I needed to come back. And here I still am 16 years later.

A Day's Sewing

2010-06-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well, things have come together on the sewing front. First of all, Kaetlyn moved out and my sewing machine moved into its very own room. Then Eryn and Tyler gave me one of their extra tables when they moved into their smaller townhouse. Then my mom lent me her serger while she is on her mission. Then I got my sewing machine serviced. Then I had to clean up the mess two certain sewers left of my sewing stuff to make it ready for Dean's guest while were in in the 'Peg. Then, I got to go to my favourite sewing store of all time and buy fabric in Winnipeg. I came home full of ideas with a room ready to roll. Eryn and I were going to garden today but it was raining so we sewed instead. It was quite fun to work on sewing stuff together. While she cut up one pattern, I fixed my blanket/quilt thing and made a new duvet cover for Rhiannon's duvet (which I restuffed with feathers from an old feather mattress for another day's project that resulted in feathers being found all over the house for months afterwards...). Then I sewed 3 matching pillow cases after supper. I'm pretty impressed. It was so fun to use the serger. I had found the material to do it at Value Village a few weeks ago - sheets. So she has matching bottom, fitted sheets and can reverse the duvet for different looks. She loves it! She was using the same cover that her grandmother made for her great-grandmother before she was born... and it looked grandmother-ish. Now she is styling!

So, I haven't started on my Winnipeg stash yet but I am now warmed up and my previous 'to do' list is mostly cleared.

Whip-an-egg

2010-05-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

I'm in Winnipeg right now. Still operating on BC time, though so I am awake and everyone else is still sleeping so I am here blogging. Ronni and I concocted this trip last summer when I visited her in Calgary for some fun non-kid time. We met and became friends here and neither of us has been back here in a very long time. She left almost a year before me for another teaching position at another University.

I came to Winnipeg in 1991. Kaetlyn was a babe in arms. I had just graduated from University and I wanted to see more of Canada. And I wanted to be out of reach of a certain troublesome person from my past. So we packed up and left beautiful Sidney for this prairie town. It was a decision conceived of and executed within days. It was an adventure.

And I loved Winnipeg. The people, the city, the culture (the ballet!). It was a time of huge growth for me. I did my first counselling for a women's group. I started to really become myself. Its what you do in your 20's I think. I started homeschooling here and I had Andrew at home with an amazing midwife. And I left the church. All that in a space of just less than 3 years. We left just as suddenly in the spring of 1994. Andrew now a babe in arms. Another hasty decision.

Hard times followed and everything changed again. Bitterly hard times followed when I lost almost everything. And emerged much wiser and with greater understanding of myself.

Standing here is like visiting my other life. A life that started before I came here, flourished here and then petered out to nothing. My life is so different now that it is hard to find the threads that are stitched through them both. They are there, of course. It is like seeds planted when I was here are the trees in my life now. I had no idea at the time how it would all turn out.

A rather dull and philosophic post, I suppose. But it is what I am thinking about. What could have been. What was. What is. It is a wonderful city. So many things I have missed about this area.

It is so fun to be here with Ronni and Megan and Andrew and Rhiannon. It is just so easy to be together. Andrew, Rhiannon and Meg - all 'onlies' or 'babies' of the family to some extent are all so secure that the world revolves around them that there is no jostling for position. Andrew remembers how to play and Meg and Rhiannon are old enough these days that there are actually lots of things that they enjoy together. It just flows. The time together is easy. Its a magical time. All too soon these times will be memories. Our daughters will be teenagers and Andrew will be grown up. Times to hang on to.

What I love most about these vacation times is to watch my children together - with no other distractions, they play with each other. I see the love and affection they have for each other and it warms the cockles of my mother's heart. These little stolen moments out of everyday life that give me the chance to see that when you strip all the extraneous stuff away, what is there - what is true - is the love they have for each other. Andrew's kindness to the younger girls. Their adoration of him. Laughing. Goofing. Fun.

Restored

2010-05-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

There was one thing that was hard about having my parents here for 5 weeks. And its not what you might think. They were both really here for me. My dad building me needed farm buildings and accessories; driving Andrew places; fixing things, etc. My mom cleaning and being concerned about me doing so much and doing her best to help me with my responsibilities. It was really wonderful.

Then they left. And for awhile it felt like.... "oh, right.... I'm left with YOU people (the 3 other people I live with - husband, son, daughter). The ones who complain anytime I ask you to help me with even the smallest, little thing. Yes. Right." There was a bit of withdrawal, I admit. I had been spoiled. I was feeling overwhelmed and just a little alone in my strivings. My garden was full of 2' high crab grass (called cooch [sp?] around here). The laundry was piling up on the couch and I was really lagging at meal preparation/planning (as in: none happening). The bathrooms were dirty. I was starting to feel like I was doing a bad job of everything.

The thought of going out for the day for Mother's Day filled me with anxiety and stress to think of losing yet another day when there was so much to do around here. So I told my kids that what I would really like for Mother's Day was their time and effort in the garden.

And boy did they ever come through. Dean and Rhiannon did my morning chores and made me a most delicious breakfast. I still woke up before them but instead of doing my usual chicken/rabbits/sheep chores, I walked down the railroad tracks and picked wild asparagus in the early morning sunshine and stillness. Then Rhiannon and Dean cooked it up in an omlette with fresh mushrooms and green onions from the garden. And there were strawberries and blueberries.... lets just say that lunch was superfluous. Andrew spent most of the day and Eryn and Kaetlyn and their respective significant others and Dean spent the afternoon shovelling manure, digging garden beds, weeding furiously, tying up raspberries, moving rocks....

And when they left, I felt thoroughly restored. I felt seen and loved by my family. They heard me. They listened and they showed me how much they cared. Their time and effort helping me with something that is so important to me means more to me than any brunch or gift or picnic. I know they are all busy and have lots going on in their own lives. I really appreciate the time they all took for me. A day like Sunday goes a long way to filling me up. Thanks, family!

And then there were two!

2010-05-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

When I went to bed last night I had one white sheep. And then I woke up to this!

As Icelandic sheep are supposed to, Eirina gave birth all by herself, with no help to a healthy, vigorous lamb. Another ewe lamb. I am sure it helps that she is just a wee little slip of a thing - weighing in around 3 - 4 lbs. (keep in mind that Eclipse was 12!)

Eirina who isn't even quite one year old herself has settled somewhat confusedly into motherhood. Zeus didn't get to help - not that he wasn't ready and willing. She had it in the corner where I feed them - far away from where Zeus could reach. All the other sheep were laying with him - giving Eirina her space. This is actually how Eirina herself was born to a ewe lamb last May 18 - in the field with no problems to her mother, Snowflake.

I went in to check her out. She was cleaned off very well and almost dry but now shivering. I brought her in and blow dried her for a bit and trimmed her umbilical chord and managed to install them in the lambing pen.

Here you can see just how wee she is.

Isn't she sweet? Its my wee Freya come back to me. We let her choose her own name - we put three names in a hat: Kelda (source or spring), Idunnr (to love again - the goddess of spring) and Lifa which means life itself. And she chose Lifa. Seems appropriate. Welcome little Lifa into the world!

Little Bits

2010-04-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

My Dad is a big person and not just in stature (although he is clearly shrinking from his almost 6'). He's a big strong man but that is not what I am talking about. He is the kind of person who fills up the room when he enters it. He does things in a big way. And often he gets all the glory. But I wanted to mention my Mom here.

When she comes to visit, she contributes in more subtle ways. She washes dishes, cleans cupboards, helps with meal preparation and washes the floor. She finds little things to clean that haven't been cleaned in awhile (since the last time she was here?). So the end result is that when she leaves, there isn't one big thing (like the chicken coop or rabbit hutches) but there are lots of little touches everywhere that remind me of her being here and make me feel loved by my mom. Her contributions allow me to work outside a lot, help my dad, run to the hardware store 15 times a day (it felt like it some days!) and still have the house run smoothly. Right now I am spending a lot of time in my garden and with the animals and my house looks like it.... (the chicken coop might be tidier...)

This time, in true 'Mom' fashion, she sewed me some new oven mitts and 2 pot holders. She made them out of old jeans and she felted an old sweater of Dean's to use as the insulation. She sewed on little sheep for decoration made from scraps of fabric (that I had used to make Kaetlyn and Rebecca matching outfits when they were 5 and 6). So long after the cleanliness fades away (pretty much all gone now except for the nice clean cupboard doors), I will have a bit of my mother's love to use everyday. Very Mudsy - as the twins would say.

Draga's Day

2010-04-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

You might remember that last year Draga's lamb was stillborn. One wee black ewe lamb in the middle of the night that had obviously died inside of her sometime before.

This morning I noticed that Draga's water had broken - goop coming out her back end. (in fact for the last 2 months I have spent a lot of time staring at ewe vulvas...)

I notified some friends who live close by and soon there was an audience. Draga, always a very cooperative and friendly sheep eventually walked right into the lambing pen like she knew what to do. However, she would only lay down briefly, give one push and then stand up, looking for a lamb and licking like crazy. I let her go on like that for about an hour. Then I got in there and began to feel around. Nose and feet were in the right position but she just wouldn't lay down long enough. I finally got her to and with the help of one of our friends who had worked in a vet's office we got the lamb out. A beautiful ewe lamb at just the right weight - 6 lbs and black and white spotted, too - just like Draga. With a lamb at her feet, Draga was licking even more enthusiastically but she still didn't quite get what to do. She licked my pants and my hands and my feet and the boards of the lambing pen. And occasionally the lamb. I brought Zeus in and he set right to work and showed her what to do.

Then within minutes another amniotic sac burst and her sister slid into the world with no help from me. She is black and white, too only she has the badger face like Draga. They look very similar to each other. Instead of white legs with back feet like Draga, they have black legs with little white feet. So cute! And perfectly healthy. They each found a teat before too long and without any help.

Here they are.... as yet unnamed. They are valuable as milk sheep as Draga, her mother and her grandmother have all been milked. And Renauld has excellent fleece. I hope we can find a place for them to live with people who are interested in those kinds of genes - fiber and milk. Spotting and badger face are both rare markings, too. Anyways, they are very sweet. As I type, they are already pretending to eat hay with their mother.

Lamb Number One

Lamb Number Two

Less than an hour old and already being cute!

With Mom

And here is Zeus all flaked out after all that hard work but still not far from his lambs.

Indeed

2010-04-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

As Sarah would say, 'why not post'? Normally I would be going to bed about now but I had a nap and I'm not tired yet. It has been almost 2 weeks since Mom and Dad left. They were here for one day short of 5 weeks. It was an action packed 5 weeks. Mom sewed herself an entirely new wardrobe for Trinidad (and, I discovered the other day when I went to use it, went home with my Fabricland card!).

They were here for so long, we really got used to them being here. Although I don't think I could keep up that pace for much longer. And for the last 10 days or so of them being here, Bethany and Owen were here, too. Although, as I told Bethany, it didn't count as a Bethany visit because her and I didn't really get to spend any time together and I didn't get to spend enough auntie time with Owen, either. It was harder for Andrew and Rhiannon once Bethany got here because they had to share a room. They are both the baby of the family, really. Andrew was 7 when Rhiannon was born. Although neither one is particularly tidy, they are both particular and are used to having complete control over their space. Rhiannon was known to break down in uncontrollable sobs because Andrew left a towel on her bedroom floor.... what is that right beside it, you ask? Is that HER towel on the floor?.... well yes it was.... but that is besides the point, according to Rhiannon. Rhiannon had a list of rules for Andrew to use her room. Which basically amounted to 'don't exist in my room'... They made it through, though and I am sure it was good for both of them... right?

Laura came for Easter weekend and Eryn and Tyler's engagement party. So then the house was really full. It was very fun having everyone here for Easter. Eryn's party was nice but Eryn was very stressed out. She worries too much about Tyler's family and her family getting along. Tyler's family seems very nice and I am sure that Laurel (Tyler's mom) and I will make wonderful grandmother's together! Eryn's older sister, Sarah, my step-daughter, came down for that, too. It was very nice to see her after so long!

Laura was supposed to do a family photo shoot of us on Easter Sunday. But it was a disaster. Rhiannon had not been getting enough sleep, sharing her room with her brother for almost a week by that point, not having as much of my attention as she is used to, a breakfast of chocolate.... It was the makings of a disaster. Eryn messed up her hair that she had carefully arranged and she lost it and then she was embarrassed and ran away and it took me about half an hour to find her. I was so upset. I wanted to cry. I so wanted to have family pictures. But that was it. Kaetlyn and Nadia had to go to have Easter dinner with Nadia's parents so our window of opportunity passed. The last time we had family pictures done it was 2000 and Rhiannon was 2 weeks old. Laura took some nice pictures of Drew and his bike and Rhiannon and I with the animals but the elusive family picture slipped by. I will remain jealous of all of the rest of you who have beautiful family photos done by Laura.

Laura left on Monday and then the rush was on to finish things up around here. Dad put the finishing touches on the chicken coop. I painted the inside floor and the inside of the nest boxes and the outside of the end that had to go up to the fence. On Wednesday, Dad, Andrew, Dean and Tyler levered and rolled the chicken coop into place right up to the outside of my chicken yard. The next morning we attached the fence and cut a hole for the chicken door. Dad also finished another rabbit hutch in the last couple of days.

Mom, Dad, Bethany and Owen rolled out of here just after 1pm on Thursday afternoon heading for Williams Lake. It was awfully quiet around here - the hush after the storm. Slowly we (who am I kidding, it was not a we project, it was an I project) started putting the house back together, washing bedding, reorganizing furniture.

Then Rhiannon and I decided that we would sleep in the chicken coop. So we took out the thick foamy off of her bed, her duvet and a sleeping bag and Jodi and made ourselves a very comfy (although a little short for me) bed in there. We hooked up the light, took out some reading material, water bottles and kleenex and snuggled in. We had a great sleep and it was very fun! For the next couple of days we called it the guest house. Rhiannon's friend stayed over night the next night and they slept in there, too.

In the end, I had to force the chickens to go in there - carry them one by one out of the old coop and put them into their new deluxe quarters. I left them shut up in there for 2 days and in the meantime shovelled out the chicken yard and demolished the old coop. Now they are loving it. And it doesn't look so much like a guest cottage...

The coop is beautiful - beyond words. I loved sleeping in it that night because I could feel in every board, every detail, the love of my father. I know that he made me this most beautiful coop because he loves me and I can feel it inside my coop and I can see it every time I look out my kitchen windows. It is a hard thing to put into words but I feel in it the best love that my father has for me. Thanks Dad and I love you, too. I'm really going to miss you for 18 months!

One HUGE baby!

2010-04-01T08:09:00.001-07:00

Well, it turns out that instead of having twins at 6lbs each, Brida decided to go for a mega baby at 10.5 lbs!

I knew she was in labour last night and this morning at 4:30 when I got up, her water bag was hanging out. After an hour and a half and no lamb, my dad came out and helped me and we pulled him out. One leg was back but even when I got both of those in place, his head was enormous. My dad had to push back on the perineum while I pulled on the legs. In the end, I was pulling for all I was worth and even when his head was out, it was still work to get the shoulders out. But he was full of spunk and squirming around as soon as he was born. you can see that Zeus was right into his job, too.

We helped dry him off, trimmed his cord and weighed him. And of course, brought him in the house to show everyone.

I think my Dad rather enjoyed being a part of the whole process.

So, now when will Draga deliver?!

2010-04-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

Construction Updates

2010-03-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

Well, yes, my parents are still here. Its been almost 4 weeks and it will likely be another week. But by the time they leave, it will look like a real farm around here! The '4 day' chicken coop has taken more than 3 weeks... But it is almost done now!

Here's the men at work. Andrew has put in long days working with his grandpa.

Here's the East side of the chicken house with it's custom window.

Here's the people door way - still under construction.

And here is the generous roost - my chickens won't be able to believe it after their cramped conditions!

Here are the ample nest boxes. They won't know what to do after all of them sharing only two of them for so long...

Here is my pathetic little chicken coop for comparison. When I let the chickens out, they all hang around my dad while he is working. I think they are saying 'thank you'!

Cypress' babies today. Can you tell how much they've grown in a week? Rabbits are amazing!

Rhiannon's rabbit, Marshmallow, had babies a week ago today. 4 white ones, 2 black ones and 2 black and white striped. 8 total. Aren't they sweet?

And in sheep news, here is Renauld. For some reason (the warm winter?) he is 'rooing'. This means that the wool makes a natural break and falls off. Which means I am deprived of my best wool producer.

And here is Brida... still hanging around.

And Draga - ever the camera hog. Looking pretty enormous herself these days. Who will be first?

Almost Spring

2010-03-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

My parents arrived here 2 weeks ago and it has been over-the-top busy ever since - especially given a couple of complications: my sister, Martha is in the hospital in Kelowna so I have been trying to visit her a couple of times a week and my parents brought a Norwalk virus type thing with them that has been working its way through our family.

I love it when my dad comes. He loves to build things and he loves the farm so I have a long wish list for him when he comes. Top of the list was to build me a new chicken coop and I am getting the best, most skookum chicken coop ever!

Here are some images of what we have been up to:

The coop is coming together - can you tell how awesome it is going to be?

Here is the growing rabbit family - 10 healthy babies growing fast - they made short work of the young grass here in the chicken tractor. They are really fun to watch as they dash about.

Here is the first thing he built - lambing pens. Aren't I looking professional now? One has now been moved into the sheep pen.

But we are still waiting for Brida to 'pop'.

Snowdrops and crocuses are blooming.

My parents - on their way out on their date night.

And here is Rhiannon - the latest one to get the flu.

Wedding Bells

2010-03-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

Well, most of you already know that Eryn and Tyler got engaged last week. Its official, they've set the date. Eryn has already given all the details so what is there left for me to tell? I am very happy about it all. As I've said before, Tyler fits into our family like the missing piece. And what I love the most about him is how well he loves my daughter. She has had enough tough life experiences to grow a hard little shell but it is wonderful to see how easily he cracked it all wide open. It is a delight to listen to her excitedly planning her wedding after years of being disaffected on the subject. And maybe, you just never know.... I might even get grandchildren!

And Now

2010-03-03T07:52:00.000-08:00

On to the sheep. It is into the anxious waiting time now. Brida who is always on the 'stocky' side is enormous. I can now see her teats hanging down below her wool so it would seem that the arrival of lambs cannot be far off. I expect it will be sometime in the next couple of weeks.

As you can see, Draga has that bulge as well. I don't think she will be far behind. I hope it all goes well for her this year and she gets to be a mom.

Erina Snowy is a delight. She's a spunky little thing and in this spring weather she loves to run and jump around... which leads me to believe she is likely not bred. If she does have a lamb, I don't think it will be until July.

Renauld is as friendly as ever and he has a very nice crop of wool on him, too.

And Basil... He still lives. I want him to be bigger before I eat him. And I am not clear on why he is not bigger. But in the meantime he is very sweet. Eirina is his best friend and he would like to be the father of her lamb so this causes some difficulty between he and Renauld and results in some half-hearted head butting.

So I am waiting anxiously for lambing season to begin. I want everything to go well. I didn't actually see the breeding happen last fall so I don't have any dates. I think it will be earlier than last year because Renauld was not a lamb himself.

A New Leaf

2010-03-02T10:12:00.001-08:00

Its the beginning of March and time for a new leaf here to match my beautiful new skin by my talented and much younger sister. I'll try to show up here a little more often. It has been a busy, weird winter. We certainly made the most of the no snow and the spring like weather we have had since January. Not good for the environment, I know but good for window washers, that's for sure!

First up is news from the rabbitry. Our first batch of meat rabbits were butchered the beginning of January. We sold all but two. And no, I haven't eaten them yet but we will soon. When I took them to the place I get them butchered at, the woman loved my grey buck and kept him (he lives!). We traded for a doe unrelated to mine. She is a Californian and she is Rhiannon's rabbit. She named her Marshmallow. Here she is! She has just been bred with babies due March 19 - 21. We bred her to a New Zealand White and will keep one of the babies to complete our meat rabbit breeding pool... for now.... Marshmallow was not used to being handled and loved when we got her but Rhiannon has tamed her.

We bred Cypress as soon as her cage was empty and right on schedule she had her next litter. 10 strong and healthy babies - no runts this time. I watch them out of the kitchen window and they are such fun! I know it isn't a good place to have the rabbits longterm but I love having them where I can see them so well. There are 4 white, 2 greys, 1 black, 2 brown and 1 grey with harlequin markings (you can see her white striped nose in the cage picture). They get brought in almost daily to play. They are very sweet.

And here is the latest addition to our rabbitry. I went with my friend to check out some Satin Angora rabbits. And I came home with her. Andrew has named her Oranges. She is one year old and has been bred (before I bought her) with babies due March 15. Satin Angoras are quite rare - 5th rarest rabbit in North America apparently and this colour is supposed to be the rarest. Although it is not a colour I am especially keen on. I think her fur will go nicely with Brida's though... I am looking for a white buck. But so far I haven't even been able to find a Canadian breeder, let alone one in BC or Alberta... I have also ordered a white French Angora that I will pick up in Greenwood at the beginning of June. I am excited to add this fiber to my rabbit collection... But if anyone hears of any Satin Angoras for sale anywhere in BC or Alberta, please let me know!

So our rabbitry has really grown. I love the rabbits and to tell you the truth, they seem to be the easiest thing to make money with on the farm. They are the least amount of labour to look after and they are just so damn fun to play with, too.

Now I just need my dad to get here and build me some more cages....

Happy New Year....heh

2010-01-22T15:48:00.000-08:00

Well, There has been great blogging lethargy around here. I've also been very busy. And I've been going through a period where I just want to get on with doing things and not talk about it so much - the whole fall has been like that, really. There have been some big things going on that I haven't shared yet but I am feeling ready to these days - more posts to follow. I would love to be a very regular blogger like Soule Mama and others. I enjoy reading their blogs. At times I set off to blog like that but sooner or later (usually sooner) I run out of things to say. I don't know how they do it, really - to blog so regularly and so interestingly.

But anyways, I have got to say that I am not the least bit sorry to see 2009 go. It was a hard year - the hardest I've had in a long time and I know many other people who feel that way. I think it was when Freya died, that I was really ready for the year to end - enough already. For me it was a lonely year and often sad. But all things have their blessings, too. It was a year of real growth - the kind that only comes from dealing with hard things. It was a very quiet year, too. Lots of time for reflection and journal writing, processing and learning. It was a year to appreciate the love and kindness of true friends and the tender love and understanding of my husband. It was hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything. At least it was real.

There were some real highlights, too. Like the Clarke family reunion here in the smoky Okanagan. And sister visits. Having my house full of sisters was definitely the high point of my year! Spending time with little nephews at the beach and around my farm was wonderful - I hope there is lots more of that in my future!

I have a symbol for my New Year, of course. This year my symbol is a white rabbit. I had a dream awhile before New Year's and in the dream I was feeling despair and discouragement and very sad and then to my surprise, I discovered Cypress in the house (our white rabbit) and I remembered that she had always been there and I was so grateful and happy. To me Cypress symbolized the magic that is always there in our darkest times - we just have to remember it. This year I have certainly had lots of chances to remember my magic and that is what I take with me into the New Year. Here is the painting I made of it. Of course, I am not an artist like my sisters but it captures what I felt.

I Surprise Myself Everytime I Do It

2009-12-30T15:17:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here all sweaty and hot. I just did my 30 minute run again. That's 4 times. And I have surprised myself everytime I do it. Everytime, I wonder if I will be able to do it again and during the first 5 minute stretch, I really doubt that I can. But I do. I did.

When I trained for Outward Bound, I did the 30 minute run once and that was it. I am sure I will never be 'addicted' to running. If the weather was better I would be riding instead. I am sure my sister, Katie, could run twice as far as I do in 30 minutes. But damn! I love the feeling of doing it yet again.

Where I really notice the difference in my life is in my walking - I can walk faster and longer and it feels different. I like how it feels to get stronger...

The Christmas Report

2009-12-28T14:07:00.000-08:00

Well, things have finally slowed down enough for me to think about it all. December has been exceptionally busy due to a large van repair bill. It has meant I have been out there canvassing for windows. At this time of year, I pretty much have to canvas the same amount of time that it takes him to wash the window jobs I get. Oh well, its good exercise. And while I have been out there, I have been distributing my counselling brochure and my dance class brochure at the same time. I am offering several new dance classes in the new year and my brochures seem to have been pretty successful because they are filling up with new students.

But that is not what I set out to write about. Christmas is always a bit different every year as the kids get older but this year it seemed a big jump. Both Kaetlyn and Eryn are living away from home with significant others. And because they are in town, there are other families to consider. We had a couple of family Christmas events starting in November with a stocking decorating party. Several people were ready for new stockings and we had 2 new family members to add.

Our next event was the cookie decorating party. This luckily happened the day after my parents arrived. They are going on a mission to Guyana and will be leaving in January sometime so this was our 'good bye' visit. Dad made me a salt feeder for the sheep and they played a lot of card games with the kids and took us to the movie "A Christmas Carol" for our Christmas present. It was a very nice visit. But back to the cookie thing. It was fun and a lot of cookies got decorated - even if Tyler didn't do his share. And here you have it - these are the only pictures I took of Christmas. I don't know. I just wasn't in a picture taking kind of mood.

Sometimes I get like that. Looking at these cookies again makes me want to go sneak some out of the place that I have hidden the last of them to bring out on New Year's Eve.

After my parents left on the18th, things were pretty busy. Dean and I were both working a lot. So much so that we decided that getting gifts for each other just seemed like anti-relaxing. So we decided to go out to a movie and have a nice evening together instead. I'm looking forward to it!

On the 23rd, Eryn had a family party at her place where she invited all of Tyler's family and all of us for a potluck. There was lots of good food, as always at Eryn's and it was nice to be formally introduced to Tyler's mom as we see her all the time (she works at our bank). You can tell she loves her boy, that's for sure.

Christmas Eve was rather quiet. Kaetlyn and Nadia stayed with Nadia's family. Eryn and Tyler came over for a couple of hours to eat supper and open one present. I made tortillas from scratch using the Rebar recipe and black bean refried beans also from scratch (the way that Karen taught me). Rhiannon helped me put them together with cheese and fry them up. They were soooo good! And I had managed to get the Nanaimo bars made so we had a full compliment of our traditional Christmas goodies - shortbread, sugar cookies, gingerbread, butter tarts, peanut brittle and the bars.

And then they were gone and it wasn't even 8pm and it was just the 4 of us. I do kind of enjoy it when it is just the 4 of us. Its different. For the first time since Eryn was born, it is balanced - 2 males and 2 females. (I like it when it is the 6 err... 8... of us, too) Andrew has started enjoying spending more time with Rhiannon. Over Christmas they played ALOT of mille bornes. It was nice to see. Andrew doesn't hide out quite so much in his room. We put Rhiannon into bed by 8 - she was so tired and crabby, I just couldn't bear the thought of her like that on Christmas... After doing all my Santa duties, I was actually in bed by 10pm. I don't think I've been able to get away with that on Christmas Eve since Eryn was a toddler and still spelled her name the way I did on her birth certificate (Erin).

Shortly after 8am on Christmas everyone arrived for the present opening. Eryn and Kaetlyn both got lots of household stuff which is what they asked for. I got spoiled by my daughters. Eryn drew my Santa gift and she got me a beautiful frame for 5 pictures and then took pics of everyone and put them in the frames. There is one empty place left for Dean and I. It could be empty for sometime because most pictures of Dean and I together are rather bad. And mostly its Dean's fault, if I do say so myself. Kaetlyn got me a beautiful pottery butter dish with a lid to keep out cat tongues and a green stone pendant (I'm not sure what the stone is but it is really, really pretty).

Dinner was divine. Everyone did a superb job on their assignments. I especially loved Eryn's roasted veggies. And then everyone left and it was quiet again. I got well into the novel I was saving for Christmas - "Priestess of Avalon", another in the Marion Zimmer Bradley series. I loved it. This fall I have just been too busy to read novels so I was really looking forward to it and it didn't disappoint.

And what did I make for Christmas? I made Kaetlyn potholders. I know, that sounds boring, so I thought I had better make them special. So I got some of Draga's and Freya's wool, washed it and carded it and used it as the stuffing. It started out about 6 inches thick. I used some black fabric that I once sewed Kaetlyn and Rebecca outfits from. First I freeform quilted it using my darning foot. But the bobbin thread kept on getting tangled. There was alot of swearing. And then there was the bias tape. May I just register how much I hate bias tape? I bought some black bias tape which in the end, I cut off of the pot holder. Then I made my own bias tape which worked better. But still. I don't know how people do such neat sewing jobs on bias tape. Mine looked terrible. Good thing it is black and harder to notice. It was Christmas Eve so I gave them to her anyways. She seemed to like them...hehe. Then for Andrew I am making a sweater. Yes, I said making. I am done the body up to the armpits and one sleeve up to the elbow. He is my big Christmas crafting project. I've never knitted anything bigger than a hat before. When I'm finished, I'll take a picture for you.

Then on the 28th, I went and picked up my parcel from Laura at the bus depot. I think my sister Christmas gift is always my favourite. Laura's parcel was full of sister goodness - 5 framed photos of family members which are now up on my wall - Sarah and Adriel, Evan-o-vich, Katie and her family, the Bean family and Amy. And there was soap from Lush that is making my whole upstairs smell good, and a DVD of Fiddler on the Roof, exercise pants and really beautiful earrings.

So, that is my Christmas report. It was a good Christmas, as Christmases go. I hope yours was good, too! I'm on my way to sneak a gingerbread cookie and watch some more waltons while I knit Drew's sweater...

We Made Magic

2009-12-06T10:14:00.001-08:00

It was our dance performance last night. My dancers arose to the challenge and put on the best performance yet. Fox, Unicorn, Elf and Witch spun a magical story.

The witch is my own little dancer - my inspiration. I made that hat yesterday and it turned out pretty cool, if I do say so myself!

I am always amazed at their grace, their creativity and their sense of drama. These 4 dancers that I have right now are all born performers. They get excited, not nervous and when it comes time to perform in front of the audience, they really sparkle!

I was so proud of them!

So

2009-12-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

And interesting thing happened the day after I said I was no longer going to do hats. Somebody bought a hat off of my hippiehats blog. Interesting. And then the next week I was invited to be in the Cedarbridge Winter Craft faire. So, I decided to do it. But it had a totally different energy. I wasn't running around knitting and crocheting furiously (errr, or should I say, sitting quietly watching movies and giving myself another case of knitter's elbow...). I just took the many hats I already have. I sold a few hats and it was a nice evening.

So I decided to reactivate my Etsy shop with my remaining hats. I don't have that desperate feeling about the whole thing. Its just nice to sell some of the many hats I have made over the years and Etsy is a nice way to do it. So if you are looking for a hat or you know someone who is, you can find my hats at www.hippiehats.etsy.com. See you there!

30 Minutes

2009-12-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

Well, almost 9 years ago when I broke both of my tibial plateaux 8 months after having a baby, I heard a nurse in the hallway talking about me say, "well, she'll never run again." I was barely mobile for the year after before I had the tibial plateau transplant and then refractured my one tibia/fibula 7 months into my 1 year of non-weightbearing, permanently (so far) altering my flexibility (my foot still can't touch my bum). I was afraid the nurse was right.

It was hard to think of. I had never been a long distance runner but I had once been rather fast. I was on my high school track team as a sprinter for the 100m and a high jumper. In fact, the day before my accident I had been giving Kaetlyn and Drew sprinting tips in the front yard. In 1999 I had done the Outward Bound Women of Courage program. To prepare for the 7 day course, I was supposed to be able to run for 30 minutes and they sent along a running program to gradually get there. I did it. And it was quite something for me. I don't really like running like that but I do like challenging myself and I like the feeling of have being able to do it. I didn't really want to accept never running again. I can still remember the feeling of running races barefoot in the grass in Fort George Park (in highschool, I ran in my socks) - that feeling of flying.

On my 43rd birthday, supported by a good friend, I went to Polson track and ran around the oval in short segments. It was hard to run. My body couldn't remember how to do it. I had to consciously think about each stride. It was hard to trust my right leg. And I could barely breathe - I was so badly out of shape.

This fall I decided that it was time to push myself. There is just nothing like jogging that gives my heart, lungs and legs the same work out. I have biked long distances, up big hills but it is still not the same. I tried at first a running program I found on About.com. But it just didn't work. I dug out my Outward Bound instructions, inspired by my sister, Laura, who is also doing something that challenges her. (you were my inspiration, Laura! Although what you did was probably harder!)

I really wasn't sure I could do it. But I started. The first day I ran 30 seconds and walked 4.5 minutes X 6. Two days later I ran for 1 minute and walked for 4 X 6. Something happened on this run. It clicked. My body remembered how to jog. I stopped thinking about my stride and fell into a rhythm. Nevertheless, I wasn't sure how far I would get. Maybe it would snow and I wouldn't be able to. Maybe I really couldn't do this any more.

On Monday I ran for 4.5 minutes and walked for 30 seconds X 6. I ran for 27 minutes. The next time I was supposed to run for 30 minutes without stopping. That was today. It was below 0 today but warmer than forecasted. I decided to go after lunch about 3pm. I decided it would be okay if I could only run 15 minutes and then stop and walk for a minute and run for another 15 minutes. But I didn't need to. I ran. I ran for 30 minutes without stopping. I can hardly believe it. I DID IT!!

And my knee? It is okay. It doesn't even hurt. I know that my ankle does compensate a bit for it and I suspect it might be because I have my own meniscus. Near the end of my run, I run by my physiotherapist and I want to shout, "Kees! Look at me! I'm doing it!" It spurs me on to finish.

Anyways, yay me!

This One is for YOU

2009-11-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

You know who you are. You're the one discouraged with the lack of blogging. I know I am probably not the one you most want to hear from but hey, here it is none the less. I don't know why I haven't felt much like blogging. There has been so much going on that should be inspiring me to write. Like my boy turning 16. What would have been Grandpa's 91st birthday. Growing rabbits, entertaining sheep, the changing seasons and the last of my tomatoes and canning with my daughters.

But there has been a blog post in the back of my mind that I think is jamming up the flow. Every now and then I pull it out and think, "I really need to write that". And then I think, "Naw...." I suppose I really do need to write it.

You know, since I graduated from UVic in the summer of 1991, moved to Winnipeg and started facilitating a women's group for survivors of sexual abuse, I have worked as a counsellor. That's what I call myself. I have worked pretty steady at it, although very part time since then. When I first moved to Vernon, I had an ad in the yellow pages and I saw quite a few people through that. When I went to work at NOEES as an employment facilitator, I took the ad out. I continued to see people - clients who had already been seeing me and those who heard about me through word-of-mouth. And that has been perfect with all that has been going on in my life and our family. I really didn't want to work in that way much more than that.

Just lately, I have really been feeling the urge to expand again. I think Rhiannon is at a stage now where she needs less of my time. I have only 2 kids at home and one of them is not home very much. Our window washing business now exceeds 500 customers and is running pretty smoothly with minimal input from me. I don't know, I have just been feeling ready. More grounded and secure in myself, perhaps, too.

So I set to work on a brochure. It is so 'unCanadian' to sell yourself and it was really hard to do. I ended up writing longhand in my journal and setting a timer for 15 minutes and forcing myself to write in 15 minute blocks. That actually worked really well. I think I have made an awesome brochure. Getting some testimonials from clients really helped me, too. So I have this brochure now. Printed even. On nice (partly recycled) paper.

And I have started to distribute them at the library and coffee shops and the People Place and any other place I can think of. But the thing is, I have come to realize that simply putting out brochures around town is probably not enough to actually bring in clients. I need to say what I do. I need to talk to people. I have such a hard time promoting myself in this way. Part of it is that people often seem to feel self-conscious when you tell them you are a counsellor like you are analyzing them. I don't. I don't think most counsellors do. It is a special thing when someone sits down in my office and begins to tell me their story. It takes a lot of focus and attention to be there for them in that moment. I don't go around doing that to random people. Really. The other part, I think is that somehow we think that people who are therapists or counsellors should have everything together. And generally we are just people. Having insight into someone else's problems or being a good listener is not the same has being perfect. And the other part is that it is just hard to say, yes, this is what I do and I'm actually pretty good at it.

It is a lot easier to say we wash windows and we do a very good job - in fact, we guarantee our work. Why is that? I suppose windows are a lot less personal. So that is my challenge right now. This is who I am. I am a counsellor and I am pretty good at it.

Here is an excerpt from my brochure:

About andrea

I have lived and raised my four children in the Vernon area for the last 15 years. Currently, I live in Coldstream on a small acreage with my husband and my two youngest children, as well as sheep, rabbits, chickens, dogs and cats (the animals by far outnumber the people around here!). I homeschool my children and I am interested in living sustainably in self-sufficient community.

I find it a great honour and privilege to walk with people along their journey. It is a joy to work with people at pivotal points in their lives. I am always in awe of the quiet courage so many people demonstrate in facing themselves and taking charge of their lives and growing.

It always fills me with wonder to be a witness to what can be achieved in an environment of acceptance.

Andrea’s Counselling Philosophy

I have an eclectic approach including training and experience in many therapeutic modalities and a degree in psychology. I have 18 years experience working as a counsellor.

I believe our purpose in life is to grow and find the best in ourselves and be happy. I believe it is love that matters, technique is secondary. The love we have for ourselves matters most of all and is the foundation and ultimate reason for any work we do on ourselves.

I believe the healing journey is an exciting journey and one I, myself have traveled. Offering my heart to others on their own journey is part of my path. I have learned that it is not my wisdom my clients are after but help recognizing their own. Our own inherent wisdom is the only one worth seeking.

Real change happens when we feel safe and loved for who we are. We can make change when we find our way back to the wonder of who we are. Sometimes we discover we don’t need to change the things we thought we did, and other times, changes we were afraid of making happen with ease.

Real growth happens when we make our dreams come true. And to our hearts, nothing is impossible. We can accomplish great goals one step at a time – “how does a plant grow? How does the tide rise? Gradually, gradually.”

To examine these beliefs and grow through them is the deepest form of self-analysis – to see how they have fashioned our feelings, our experiences – our very lives. Usually we absorbed these beliefs without thinking – without deciding. Finding and changing beliefs that no longer suit us can be difficult but very rewarding work. Usually the greatest obstacle is our own inertia. It can be tremendously liberating to unearth our beliefs and replace them with more affirming ones.

"Do not despair, dear sisters, the tide will turn and we will all get what we deserve."

2009-11-19T17:37:00.000-08:00

That was my first line in my first high school play. I was Flora in a melodrama called "Flora's Flower Shop". It had a hero named Dudley Van Doright and a villain whose name escapes me who was foreclosing on our mortgage. I had the lead role. I was hooked. I got the lead role in several other highschool plays as the years followed. I loved acting. And I had a really, really good teacher. Mr. Koven was exceptional. Based on what he taught me, I also got A's in University drama classes.

Then came the turning point when I was 21. There was a musical and they had no director for the acting part. I originally went out to audition for a part but somehow I ended up directing the acting part of the musical. It was put on in the Queen Elizabeth Playhouse and sold out every night. I went on to direct several 'roadshow' performances. One was even adjudicated and we took first place and got rave reviews for children's theatre.

At first I didn't think I would enjoy directing as much as I enjoyed acting. And the first time it was hard to be behind stage instead of on the stage. But that opening night there was a certain buzz watching this show I had helped put on - watching the actors remember what I had taught them. I was hooked.

This afternoon my dance class started working on our dance performance. My young dancers have really learned a lot over the last couple of years. And this will be our most ambitious performance yet. It reflects what they have learned and mastered. They will all be on stage through the whole performance and there will be even more acting. I just get so excited. They respond to my suggestions and they remember what I teach them about the rules of the stage. It is indescribable. Its just so fun. It gets my creative juices going and it gets theirs going and we are bouncing ideas off of each other and something really great is coming together.

Thank you Mr. Koven. You were right.

2009-11-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

Check this out - very interesting information about Swine Flu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0JqQyl09zQ&NR=1

Weighing In

2009-11-02T19:39:00.000-08:00

Well, since the hysteria that has swept the world since the H1N1 virus first came to public attention last winter, I have been shaking my head. Now it dominates the news everyday and I have to question what exactly is going on...

From the very beginning I was not afraid of this virus. For one, I don't believe in germ theory. Evidence shows that we all have bacteria, viruses, cancerous cells, etc in us, on us, around us all the time. Normally our immune systems function to keep us healthy. When our immune system is depressed, through stress of some kind, either psychological or physical, or we are tired and worn out, then we are susceptible to infection. Studies have shown that those who are exposed to bacteria have healthier immune systems. Surely this mass fear fanned constantly by the media contributes more to depressed immune systems... This article expresses well what I have long believed.

When Kaetlyn was a baby, I came to the conclusion to stop vaccinating. Eryn had her shots to age 5 and Kaetlyn had her first set at 4 months. Andrew and Rhiannon have never been vaccinated. And you know what? Out of our family of 6 - 4 of us have been vaccinated and we all have some kind of auto-immune disease. Dean has asthma and severe allergies. I have hypothyroidism, Eryn has allergies and Kaetlyn has diabetes. Andrew and Rhiannon have none of these things. Of course, I know this is much too small of a sample size to be statistically significant. But it does make me wonder... I think we are doing dangerous damage to our immune system by these vaccinations. I think we need to be sick sometimes to strengthen our immune system.

And there has never been a longterm, statistically significant study looking at the possible side effects of vaccinations or even the effectiveness of them. For their efficacy those who promote vaccines site the fact that diseases like small pox and polio have now been almost eradicated. However, they fail to look at the big picture - like the fact that those diseases were already declining when vaccinations were started. That is called a co-relation and it is not proof. In fact, other diseases have also disappeared that we have not vaccinated for - like scarlet fever and bubonic plague. The fact is that the human immune system adapts over time and develops immunities naturally. Although what is happening now that we are not allowing it to do its job?

Right now in the media they talk as though the flu vaccine has a 100% track record for preventing the flu. Although I am sure everyone reading this post knows someone who has been vaccinated for the flu in the past and got it anyways. This is a very well written article about the usefulness of the vaccine.

Of course talking about children dying and healthy young athletes succumbing to the H1N1 is enough to strike fear in any parent's heart. However, it is just another way we are manipulated by the mass media that it is almost impossible to escape these days. It is news that is way out of perspective. Like if we saw a comparison with how many children die everyday from all causes and then looked at how many are dying from H1N1 we would see a bit more of a balanced picture. And if we looked at just how many children are not dying, who are healthy, maybe we could relax a little. And what if you knew that some of the children who have died for the H1N1 virus were even vaccinated against it? Maybe we could start hugging and shaking hands again...

And I have to ask myself, who is benefiting from all of this? The pharmaceutical companies are making money hand over fist. Their making a killing on this mass hysteria. Doesn't it make you scratch your head just a little bit? While stories about the side effects of the vaccine or the ineffectiveness of it just don't hit mainstream media.

Myself, I would love to turn the radio on and listen to something else other than the H1N1 virus! Enough already!

If you are interested in more about the vaccine, you can find links to several articles here. And you have to check out this article and ask yourself what they know that we don't.

More Firsts

2009-10-29T09:33:00.001-07:00

See that wee brown egg? That was produced by Carmel - the very first chick that was hatched by a hen on our farm (whose mother was later killed by a hungry young bear). She is just barely 4 months old so that is rather exceptional. And I am very pleased. Isn't it a cute little brown egg?

And see that giant white egg beside it? That was produced by our rather high strung Danish Leghorn - I only ended up with one - all the rest of the leghorn chicks turned out to be roosters and now live in the freezer... Anyways, that is her first egg, too. She, of course is well more than 6 months old.... At least she popped out a big one!

A Day Among Days

2009-10-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, Eryn says that I always make this day about me. But hey, this my blog and I get to write in here about what I want to write about and about my life, my perspective. And 23 years ago, this was the biggest day of my life. The day I became a mother. I suspect that one day, when she holds a little tatooed baby in her arms, she will understand. It is a day I always mark in my own way. This is the day my life changed forever in ways I could have never predicted.

I adore her. I adored her from the first moment I looked into her muddy blue eyes - so intensely looking back at me. She was definitely not born into the best circumstances. I was only 21 and I had a whole lot to learn about myself, about life although at the time, I thought I had it all figured out.

She saved me and I saved her. I have no doubt that our Souls already knew and loved each other and that we made promises to each other. I know she has a very strong spirit. She would have to have gone through all the things that we went through together and all the things she suffered because of my immature parenting and my own self-centred-ness to be the person she is today. It is a credit to her own perseverance; to her own strength of character; to her own soul.

Sometimes she looks at me with those deep brown eyes in such a way and it pierces me to the depths of my soul and I know her - more than just as her mother in the way that mothers and daughters know each other. I KNOW her from more than this lifetime. And I love her so much - bigger than my heart can hold. In that moment I am as overwhelmed with love for her as I was when I first met her.

I thinks she is amazing - beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent and determined. And on this day 23 years ago, I was blessed with being her mother. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Changes

2009-10-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been blogging much - not that I have ever been especially consistent... its not in my nature. Its all been part of what I have been considering - about being true to myself, about what I have to offer and what I am doing right now. Fall is a good time for these kinds of thoughts - season changes are good for clearing things out and the Equinox is good to remind me about balance in my life.

Anyways, lots of thinking and lots of journal writing. I've been feeling particularly productive. I have been thinking a lot about why I blog, too, but that's not what this post is about. I came to one conclusion. I am letting go of selling hats. I mean if anyone wants to buy any of the hats I have already made, I am happy to sell them. And I am sure my pile will gradually dissipate the more visits I get from my family, at the very least. I just decided it wasn't the best use of my time. It came out of a time and feeling of desperation and I don't really want to act from there. I think I have other things to offer that are more important. Important in terms of content and also important in terms of me and my development.

I came to this conclusion this last weekend when I was scheduled to do the outside Farmers' Market in Kelowna - supposed to be very good one for selling hats. The forecast was for -7 that morning. I realized how unprepared I was to do such a thing in cold weather. And then I realized that I really didn't want to do what I had to do to be prepared. It was kind of a half-assed kind of thing and I did not really want to put all my effort and energy into it. There are other things I DO want to put all my energy and effort into and I'm going to focus on that. Stay tuned on further developments I've been working on.

Sometime if I have nothing better to do, I may indeed go to a farmer's market or some similar thing to sell what I have already made but I am not going to work at making new hats unless I want to wear one or make one for someone in my family or as gifts or at the request of dear friends. There are other things I want to knit. And truthfully, scurrily (that is not a word but I just made it up - you get the meaning, right?) knitting hat after hat, is hard on my wrists and I end up with 'tennis' elbow if I am not careful. I'm ready for a new challenge and I have it all picked out. I'm going to attempt to knit Andrew a sweater for Christmas. I already picked out the pattern and I already have the yarn which I bought on sale in the summer...

What I Have Been Doing - Tomato-ing

2009-10-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

Isn't that a thing of beauty? The deep yellow are my Dr Wyche's yellow tomaotes, the green are green zebra and the pale yellow are yellow globe tomatoes. I can them without red because otherwise the red takes over.

But I love my reds, too. See this tomato? That is not a small cutting board and that is a rather large paring knife.

A sink full of red goodness.

It all equals more than 50 quarts of canned tomatoes in the cold storage room and a good start on our year's supply of salsa.

Anyways, that's where I have been instead of here.

What's Exciting Me These Days

2009-10-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

I am ridiculously excited. I may be weird in what excites me. Its certainly not shopping (not even in a yarn store, sorry Sarah) or new shoes or even a new car. This summer my mom gave me her old pressure canner. Its a huge pressure canner - fits 42 1 cup jars or 24 pints or 20 quarts at once. And then I got a source of cheap local salmon. So, of course, I canned it. 24 pints of it. I had no idea how long that would take when I began the task. Me, who likes to be in bed by 10 at the latest, was up until 3am. It takes 110 minutes to can salmon and it takes a long time for the pressure canner to get up to pressure with that much stuff in it, apparently. I can't tell you how exciting that whole process was for me - a kid with a new toy. And then the feeling of satisfaction as I added the jars to my cold storage room. 24 pints of canned salmon.

And then! The kind young (and good looking) man brought me more salmon and sold me a smoker very cheaply. He even filleted all 10 fish for me and didn't charge me extra. So now I have 20 - 40 lbs of smoked salmon in my freezer. I AM SO EXCITED!!! Smoked salmon! I love it! And this feeling that we are not only going to survive this winter, we are going to feast.

I mean really feast. Because the other thing that has been exciting me is bringing in my harvest which I have spent the last 3 days tirelessly doing in preparation for last night's freezing temperatures. I might have complained about how the squash took over my garden, but now with the huge piles of squash strewn around my house (hope we are not going to get tired of squash as decor because the cold storage room is already full of it...) and the 100lbs + of green tomatoes ripening (in my office for now) I am thrilled. The size... the variety... mmmmm, baked squash.... pumpkin pie... Above is the kitchen counter pile.

And here is the entryway pile errr, I mean... seasonal decoration:

And here is what my office looks like although I can't even get all the boxes of tomatoes in one shot...

And then! That is not all! (as the Cat in the Hat would say) On Saturday I had a soap making workshop here at the house. She will be back on the 17th and then I will be making my very own soap. Real soap. Being self-sufficient - knowing how to do things, just damn excites me! I can't help it. To think of us feasting on salmon, lamb, chicken, tomatoes, salsa and squash all winter and luxuriating in long sudsy baths with soap that I made while the snow swirls down around us... I can hardly sleep just thinking about it! What can I say? I come from good pioneer stock on both sides of my family. I think I'm a throw back....hehe.

What's Inspiring Me Today

2009-09-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

This morning as I cleaned the kitchen, I was listening to an interview with Jane Goodall on CBC which I found really inspiring. She was interviewed on The Current by Jan Wong. You can listen here - go down near the bottom of the page and listen to 'part 3'. This isn't the one I heard but it is nice because you get to see her eyes.

So, why do I find Jane Goodall inspiring? Maybe it isn't the obvious reasons - what her life's work has been. Rather it is her life's work. That she has done it. Not specifically what it is - her work with primates and now as activist but the fact that she has had the great courage to be herself. To follow her dreams and passions. She quietly and certainly has gone about her life being herself, following her own path.

Ah, those trite, too-used phrases. But when you look at the video of her being interviewed and you can see her confidence - real confidence. Not boastfulness or aggrandizement but a quiet certainty. I think it comes from having the courage to do what was right for her regardless (one of my pet peeves: the word irregardless) of approval or recognition. She was originally she was shunned by the scientific community but she continued to do her work in her way.

This is what is inspiring to me. Like Laura I have been having these kinds of thoughts - about being truly myself - having the courage to really be me - to do the work that moves me. And hearing about people who have really done it are my heroes, my models.

And what else is inspiring about Jane Goodall? The fact that she is optimistic in her work as environmental activist, she works on hope and optimism unlike many of her contemporaries. Give her a listen.

3 Bags Full (well, actually 4)

2009-09-21T11:23:00.001-07:00

On Friday morning my sheep were relieved of their burdens. 4 feed bags full of it. Draga and Renauld were the most generous givers but Renauld by far had the most wool. Beautiful black wool.
You can see the piles here - Renauld on the right, Brida in the middle and Basil's beautiful, long lambs wool on the left.

It was a huge relief for me to find them all in very good health (fat, the shearer said, like they should be at this time of year). It is hard to tell the weight/health of sheep when they have a full coat of wool. After loosing Freya, I was worried - especially about Basil - that there might be others getting skinny like she did. But the shearer said that Basil looked awesome and that he was a very nice size. So in November or so, he should fit very nicely into the freezer.

The sheep also seemed to be relieved. Even old Brida was running and leaping around like a lamb - she did look funny with her considerable girth but luckily sheep don't let such things stop them.

There's Brida, closest to the camera with Basil on the left and Renauld's black rear end.

Meet Eirina

2009-09-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

I will still be looking for Freya's playful, cautious eyes and bright white fleece next spring but in the meantime, I couldn't be without a white sheep. White wool is the most versatile. So, meet Eirina Snowy. She has more of a creamy white wool with a moorit (brown) stripe around her neck. She is Draga's great, great niece (Draga's mother is her great grandmother). She came from Green Croft Gardens last Thursday evening. She is sweet and fitting into our wee herd but still very wary of me but we're working on that.

Hazel is a Boy

2009-09-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

Just like in Watership Down, as Eryn pointed out. In my defense, I didn't sex Hazel - he was sold to me as a doe. (And don't even go there, Ronni - I didn't sex Rosco [Sophie], or Sampson [Delilah] either!) We bought the rabbits from seasoned rabbit-eers and didn't think to question them. In their defense, like cats, rabbits are notoriously hard to sex before they reach sexual maturity. How did I discover this fact that Hazel is not who we thought she was? Well, I had noticed that the day before, Cypress had started pulling fur out of her dewlap. I thought maybe she was coming into her first heat. However, it turns out that her first heat had actually happened a month before. I glanced out at the rabbit hutch while I was starting to make Dean's lunch. Now I noticed some dark things moving about in the white fluff of her pulled out fur... My first thought? There were mice in the rabbit hutch! How did they get in there?... and then it dawned on me...duh! Hazel is a boy and those are baby rabbits.

We rushed out there to find that indeed, Cypress at not even 5 months old herself had given birth to 10 wee baby rabbits. Ten. And on Rhiannon's birthday no less! And she didn't even have a nest box but had made do with the solid floor part of her cage. We scrambled up a box - the same one that the chicks hatched in, grabbed some straw from the neighbours and gathered all her fur together and put the babes in, hoping that our scent on them would not put her off.

Well, this explains why whenever we put Cypress and Hazel in the chicken tractor for some exersize (rabbit tractor?), Cypress dug 3 foot deep holes... (and I was grumbling about how they were not supposed to be burrowing rabbits!) However, it doesn't explain how the 'book' says that Flemish Giants are not supposed to reach sexual maturity until 8 - 10 months... I have news for them. Apparantly not onlya sexually mature doe, but a sexually mature buck, as well!

Here are pictures of 2 of them taken today - already growing so quickly - fur coming in already. Rhiannon thinks they are definitely more cute than yesterday because yesterday they were ugly, according to her. I think she was expecting a bit older of a rabbit, complete with all fur, open eyes and ears sticking up.

Whenever I stick my hand into our makeshift nest box, they all start jumping blindly around in their white furry nest. So cute! There are 3 white ones, a grey one or two, a black one and three that are black/grey and white. Rhiannon

has named the smallest of these 'Oreo' (hope that's okay, Megan!)

Another Last

2009-09-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today under a full moon I became a mom for the last time. Originally I thought I might have another to keep her company at the tail end of our family but as soon as she was born, I knew she was the last one and our family was complete. We were all there for the moment of her arrival at 4am in the hospital. We were the only ones there and it was quiet and perfect.

9 years of Rhiannon. I like to say she is the angel that brought our family together to be her family. She was definitely a presence long before she was born. The first night that Dean moved in with us, he talked about a daughter he wanted to have and that he would name her Rhiannon. I had a sense of her playing violin. She cemented us a family. (I like to call this family picture the Drew as a serial killer series - I didn't have them printed but I bought the disk just for the hilarity factor)

I have loved getting to know her these last 9 years. Made all the more poignant as her older sisters have grown up and left home. Sometimes I feel like Emily in Our Town only I'm not dead, I am here and being reminded how precious this time is. I am so blessed to be more settled during this time of her childhood. She has taken me on a most wonderful journey.

This last year she has grown up so much. It has been fun to watch her confidence grow as she has mastered physical skills like swimming and skiing. She has firmly entered middle childhood and left young childhood behind. She's interesting; she's opinionated and she knows how she likes things.
I am so proud of her and so grateful for the experience of being her mother. She has brought so much joy into my life - my dear, sweet daughter.

So we have been celebrating. Her birthday has stretched over 3 days. She had a sleep over party with 2 close friends on Saturday night. Then her family birthday dinner on Sunday night and then tonight she got to celebrate with another friend whose birthday was yesterday. That's 3 birthday cakes!

And Now Moving On

2009-09-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Did you realize that this is my 500th post? Yup. 500 posts since July 2005 when I joined my blogging sisters as a way to keep in touch. I love how it has kept us sisters connected in some way to each other's lives even though some of us are so far away. And of course, these days, a few people besides my sisters read my blog. I was planning on having something to give away in a draw to those who leave comments but.... well... I'm still working on Bethany's wedding present and she got married March 7, 2008... So... Maybe by my 555th or something, I might have something to give away.

But anyways, it has about killed me to leave up that tragically sad post. So time to change the subject because I can only handle feeling sad for short periods of time.

And I do have good news. This last weekend Eryn and Tyler took the leap and moved into a wee 4 bedroom house in the BX together. I helped Eryn clean Tyler's old apartment (in return, he moved all the stuff). I got to see their new place which is very nice. Except for no oven. Isn't that weird? a 4 bedroom place with no oven? But they are working on remedying that situation. Eryn can't be without an oven. How else can she make all those great cakes? I guess he could make them at my house....

And I am very happy about it. Tyler has just fit seamlessly into our family - like a missing piece we didn't know we were missing. I knew that on Easter when he and Eryn arrived for the Easter basket/egg hunt and for Easter dinner. Within a short amount of time, he had the bickering sibs laughing uproariously and playing Uno - united at trying to beat him. It went on for hours.

He has a great knack for smoothing waters and creating fun. And he adores my daughter and treats her well. I don't think I have ever seen her quite so happy. I am sure it has something to do with his goofy sense of humour. We joke about how they are both so tattooed that it has become genetic and when they have children, they will be born with tattoos in weird combinations. You never know how they will come out - a Squid riding a bicycle....

Lately he has been into ugly pictures.

Doesn't he look like Kirk Douglas playing Spur in Man from Snowy River?

There was something I liked about Tyler as I got to know him. There is a solid-ness about him - a down-to-earth-ness that balances my mercurial girl - too much like her mother for her own good! And he loves her. You can see that.

And he can take being teased and is a great teaser himself. What more could a mother ask for?

I'll finish off with the ponytailed beard picture.

And So It Goes

2009-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

I don't like to write sad posts, which I suppose is why there are sometimes big gaps in my writing because something sad happens and it consumes me and I just can't fake it and be all cheery or think of something else to write about. And somehow, I think that my story, the one I share here in this blog, wouldn't be complete without this sad story. And I am sad today. Very sad. It has been a sad year, actually. One that has me pondering. There has been lots of death. It started with the death of my grandfather in January and on it has gone.

I had company for 6 weeks straight with one 24 hour break in there from the time Sarah arrived on July 17 to the time that Caleb left on August 27. During that one 24 hour break, my sister-in-law, Delanie drove away and an hour later, Bjorn died. My neighbour and landlady had sprayed her fields with an 'organic' weed killer to kill her burdock. It is extremely toxic but supposed to be safe after a certain amount of time. It was supposed to be safe that day so I let my sheep out. I tie up the adult sheep but the lambs wander close by. I noticed Bjorn on the edge of that field. Just hours later he was dead. I found him just after he died - still warm and limp and unbelievably dead. In 10 days he would have gone to his new home in Horsefly. I suppose I should have sheered him after he died - his pure white wool was like gossamer. But I couldn't bare it. It was the most I could do to write to the people who had arranged to buy him and tell him he had died.

Then last week a bear came one night. He ripped open my chicken tractors (which in previous years he (she?) has ignored completely even when full of meat chicks). He flipped over the one that held my two mother hens with their 4 chicks (I sold two already). My two hens died defending their chicks - 3 of whom survived. They also slashed up my big tractor and killed 2 of my young pullets. They killed 5 chickens - my two most valuable hens as they had proven to be effective brooders and good mothers. I woke up Sunday morning to the carnage - chunks of feathers and one black foot.

I herded the remaining 4 pullets and the 3 chicks into the big coop. Miraculously they have managed to integrate painlessly into my flock. Marigold and the hens have accepted them and they are all thriving. So there is one miracle.

Then there is Freya. She hasn't been well for awhile. She had a persistent cough so I dosed her with penicillin and then dewormed my whole flock. She seemed to be making improvement. The smoke this summer has been hard on her and yesterday the smoke lay like fog in this valley. Yesterday morning she didn't come when I fed the sheep some hay. I went to rouse her but she staggered along. I dosed her with garlic balls and slippery elm throughout the day and she seemed to be improving. But she died last night. I suspect it was a combination of things that killed her. When I first got her, she got pneumonia from the stress of travelling (shipping disease). I tried to cure her naturally and I think I left it too long or wasn't aggressive enough. In those days she was very hard to catch! In the end I got antibiotics which cleared up her coughing but she had been coughing for several weeks by that time. I was ignorant and naively hopeful. I think her lungs were weakened by the whole episode. She has struggled this smoky summer. And then she was a very good mother and gave her all to Bjorn. She was thin. I think she was depressed after he died. I suspect she would have been depressed even if he had lived but left our flock. She was a fierce mother and never far from him. Then with all these stresses on her immune system, I think she was no match for either worms or a strep infection. Probably worms. And although I did deworm her, I think they had too big a hold on her.

I love my sheep - my wee flock. I know them even by the sound of their baa. They are the first thing I think about each morning when I wake up as I search for them through the window. They live just across the driveway from our house, not in some distant field. I know their patterns of behaviour, their personalities, their likes and dislikes. Freya took a long time to trust me but when she trusted me, she did. If you visited, she would not be at the fence begging for a pat like Renauld or Draga unless, perhaps, you had apples. She was sweet and independent and wary. And she had the most amazing fleece. I loved her. Zeus laid with her body all night and this morning before we buried her, he freaked out if anyone went near her.

And I am very sad today. I am grieving. Last night I lit a candle for her and wrote for 3 hours in my journal. Here is an excerpt from it:

"... Good bye sweet Freya - Goddess of sheep. Good bye. May your sweet sheep soul pass speedily into the love and joy that is the essence of all life. Good bye sweet Freya.

"Freya let me die with you. Let those parts of me that no longer serve me go with you into your sheep's Valhalla. Let my fears and doubts go with you there to be transformed.

"Freya, my love. Freya my sweet sheep. Rest in peace and prepare for your next life. Come again to me in the spring. I will watch for your face in the faces of the lambs. come healthy and whole again to me. I will look for your eyes. Come live with me again, Freya.

"Good bye Freya, my sweet sheep. You served me well. You were a good sheep and I loved you. You were everything I wanted. You were perfect.

"Good bye Freya, my wee sheep, my little lamb. Good bye. Go knowing you fulfilled your purpose here and I am grateful."

Maybe I am dramatic. Or at least I think that some will think that. All this fuss over a little sheep. However, my sheep are more than functional to me. I know them and I love them. They are my pets, in a way, too. And I believe that all things are connected. I don't think it is any coincidence that there has been so much death in my life this year (although I am looking forward to January 1, 2010!). I don't believe in a thoughtless, accidental Universe. I believe everything happens for a reason. In many ways this year has been a stripping away. A stripping away of false friendships, of habits that don't serve me, of fear and doubt and self-recrimminations. I feel myself pruned, pumiced. It has been a year of great introspection, of realizations, of growth under difficult circumstances. I feel pushed inevitably to the threshold. As I also wrote in my journal, "It ends here. This is the last death. From here, I rise anew... I am here to start again. I let go of what defeats me - my doubts, my fears, my self-recrimminations. I am 'born again', fresh this day. My past is dead. My old self is gone... I am at a threshold. The window is open. Will I go through it? I am. I am going through it. With ease; with love; with Freya and my mother hens. I am born again."

Perhaps I am weird and dramatic or even ridiculous. I'll leave that for you to decide. But this is who I am. This is how I think. This is how I live my life. Last night my wooly friend died. I believe we were/are connected. I believe that in her death I have the opportunity to die, too. To die in the sense that M. Scott Peck talks about in "The Road Less Travelled", when he talks about how sometimes our old self needs to die and we are reborn. So far this year has been one of death and rebirth to me. My journal is full of these serious kinds of thinking. I feel like I am being cleansed, pushed. It is time to be me. I believe we can let life happen to us and say she is just a sheep - livestock - and she died because she was sick and perhaps had some longterm issues with her lungs. It is just nature and nature had its course. It has nothing to do with me or my soul. But I think that, if we want, we can grab life and make it meaningful - find in it the meaning for our souls.

And what is in a name? Check out these references to the myths of Freya who was the Great Queen Goddess of Norse mythology. Notice this one where she tried everything to save her son, Baldr but she forgot mistletoe and he was poisoned. Interesting, eh? Here is a more complete synopsis of Freya's myths. Next time I find my little Freya's pale eyes, I will name her Eir.

There you have it: all my grief and sadness in one post!

Aunties

2009-08-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

I was sitting with a group of women a week or two ago and we got onto how families have changed. One woman brought up how we don't have 'Aunties' like we used to - adult friends that children called 'Auntie' or even blood Aunts who are really involved in the lives of children.

I know I was fortunate to grow up with two Aunt's who knew me well and were involved in my life in ways that only an "Auntie" can be - not quite a mother but not a friend, either - someone who explains family mysteries to you and give you guidance and feedback as well as being fun. Women I spent time with and know and who know me. My Dad's first sister, Elaine and my Mom's sister, Heather, were aunts like that to me. They really do fill a special niche that I think is lacking in a lot of kids' lives these days. I am sure that is partly due to shrinking families - when people only have 1 or 2 children, you just don't need the same kinds of support that you do when you have 4 or 6. And families are more spread out and often don't live in the same town.

So I am especially grateful to my brother who shares his children with me and I get to have the delight of being an "Auntie". And I have a feeling there will be other nephews I will get to know as well as they get older.

My nephew Caleb left on Friday after being here for almost 3 weeks. He was here last October for a similar amount of time. I feel privileged to have the opportunity to get to know him so well.

He is such an interesting kid. I especially love his sense of humour - always so willing to laugh at himself, as well. I pointed out tomato sauce that he had managed to get above his eyebrow. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth and he says, "I really don't know how I get it up there!"

Here are some unforgettable highlights of his visit:

Some one on one Aunt, Uncle and nephew time at Ellison while Rhiannon was otherwise engaged at a sleepover birthday party. He loved jumping off the granite cliffs with Uncle Dean.

A visit to O'Keefe Ranch - the highlights for him were the fiberglass horse and the candy at the general store. Although he did managed to get through another tour of the mansion without complaining too much...

One of my highlights would be the time I cut up a sirloin tip roast and cooked it as steaks for dinner. I made 4 steaks - one each for me, Dean, Caleb and Drew (Rhiannon doesn't care for beef other than hamburger). Drew wasn't home for dinner so there was one steak left to be put away for him. I walked into the kitchen to make Drew up a plate and set it aside to find nothing left on the table. Caleb, who had lingered at the table had eaten it up. 2 huge steaks. That's half a sirloin tip roast! Oh well, gave us something to tease him about!

And with Caleb about, there was always lots of piano playing. Here is a recording he made of his own composition called "One Dream". You can also find it on Youtube. He'd love it if you left him a comment. Search for "One Dream (AN AWESOME SONG)" or click on my link. He checks daily to see how many views he's had and to check for comments.

He left on Thursday with grandma and grandpa. Sure seems quiet around here without him! Although quiet is good after 6 weeks straight of company!

Catching Up Part 6

2009-08-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

NEW DENVER
So, Sunday morning we packed up the van and tied 3 bikes and some luggage on the roof. Mom as a little leary of that as her experience is that Dad looses something off the roof anytime he puts stuff up there. But I assured her that I am more of the overkill type and I had never lost anything off of the roof. Drew jammed on coming at the last minute and although I pulled out everything I had to convince him - even guilt, I could not convince him to come with us. So it was the 4 of us.

We pulled into New Denver just after lunch time. This year we stayed at a little internment house (hut) that we rented off of some friends of mine. We were starving so we skarfed down some bunwhiches and headed immediately for the beach. We went to Dean and Rhiannon's favourite beach which is the delta of Carpenter Creek. They call it "Island Beach".

I left to go register Rhiannon in the Suzuki Valhalla Institute for our third time. Mom came with me and I showed her the picture of grandpa on the wall looking dapper in his double breasted suit and handsome dark hair. And she found pictures of Auntie Heather's class but not of her own. But still lots of names she remembered. And then we rushed to Silverton for the Play In which I had thought was a lot later. Luckily because everything is only 2 minutes away in New Denver and Silverton, we still made it on time. Dean left the next morning after a little drama about a bank card that turned out not to be lost at all or at least not lost in the way we thought it was.

And that was the beginning of a fantastic violin week. I would say that out of all of our fantastic violin weeks that we have spent at SVI, this was the most excellent. Rhiannon had a great master class, a wonderful group class, a very fun note reading class and a great Music Enhancement class. She went to bed early each night pooped. We swam in the gorgeous lake everyday except Tuesday when it rained in the evening. We ate good food - Mom brought along a delicious chicken lasagne that we took two dinners to eat. And we had Greek salad made with my own feta cheese.

And during our breaks we took in all the local sights. We went to Mom's old house

This tree was just a baby tree when she lived there 55 years ago. From her old house, we walked the trail she used to walk with Auntie Heather and Grandpa to Bigalow Bay. She remembers running down the path with ease but now that we are a couple of old ladies, we were clutching and foliage and walking slowly down the steep incline.

Here she is at Bigalow Bay. We never actually got to swim there - we always planned on it but it never turned out. The campground beach was just way to convenient - a block away.

We went out for lunch at the Appletree which if you ever go to New Denver, you have to try. They make the very best sandwiches ever. Sandwiches you wish you thought of.

Another time we went to the museum which Mom especially loved and spent another couple of hours in after Rhiannon and I returned to class.

And we went to the Nikkei Internment Memorial Centre where Mom found the name and address of her old friend, which turned out to be across the street from the little house we were staying in. And we marvelled at the beauty the Japanese made in such extreme circumstances. And at how many fishing boats and bicycles were confiscated. And Mom wondered at how much she didn't know as a child about the circumstances of people she knew. And we had a nice walk one evening through the Kohan Reflection Garden.

Mom and I had a very good time. In the evenings after Rhiannon was in bed, we worked on Bethany's wedding present that is only 17 months overdue - but much closer to completion than it was before when it existed in idea form only. Its gorgeous, I have to say and soon you might get a sneak preview.

It was just a really great week. Our time fell into an easy rhythm and we just did what we felt like - the three of us. We'd put dinner on to cook, go down to the beach for a swim. Head home when we felt hungry. Mom bought some beach shoes at the Donation Store after her first experience with the rocky beach. Her feet were a little more sensitive than they were the last time she was there... And then it was the final concert which Mom was amazed by- and it was amazing. Such a treat of great violin music of some of the greatest composers - all played by children!

And all too soon the magical week was over and Dean was there again to collect us but not without some last beach time. Last gazing at the glacier Grandpa hiked on. Mom wishing she could ask him who he hiked with and how he got across the lake. Last windy walk around New Denver in the evening admiring old houses and old trees. And then we were packing up and scrubbing up the house and locking it and returning keys and with our bikes tied on top of the van again, we were on our way home.

Catching Up Part 5

2009-08-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

So on the Sunday of the FR, I took Rhiannon to camp - Circle Square Ranch. It would have been a short drive from Fintry but it was an almost 2 hour drive from the Mable Lake Forestry Campground. She was going to camp with her good friend, Nikala. She was excited and scared. Standing in line to check in, she was leaning against me. Nikala wasn't there yet and she was a little bit scared. It is a camp where they learn how to ride horses. At the last minute she wasn't so sure about it. "Maybe I'll just learn how to look after them and not ride them," she says. I got her checked into her cabin and her bed made and then it was time to go. By this point, with other girls around who would be her room mates for the week, she gave me a 'hand hug' without getting down from her bunk... I passed Nikala's family on the road just after I left so I knew she would be okay.

It was supposed to be a quiet week - time for Dean and I alone and time to do somethings that needed doing - like the advertising for the fall programs at the Inner World School and canvassing for washing windows. But.... My brother Doug's van broke down. Turned out not to be what people thought but a little computer chip on the cam shaft. But in the meantime we had Grandma and Grandpa and Doug and Delanie and 6 of their kids on Monday night. I made spaghetti with the last of my canned tomatoes. Then the next day Doug and 4 of the kids went home with Mom and Dad. Delanie, Douglas and Caleb stayed until the van was fixed which turned out to be Wednesday evening. They got to do a bit of beaching and we went out for ice cream, too. I managed to get some of the things done that I needed to.

Thursday evening Mom and Dad arrived. Dad came to follow up on some contacts for roofing. And Mom came because she was coming with us to New Denver for the violin camp the following week. We had an empty house for about 24 hours. But Dad helped out by helping us not miss any windows while the van got the brakes fixed and dropping me off and picking me up for canvassing. But he left Friday afternoon although Mom wanted him to stay.

So Friday night Grandma came along as we went to pick up Rhiannon at Circle Square and watch the 'rodeo'. And there was Rhiannon on a horse and feeling very comfortable on one, too! She was so proud of herself and disappointed she didn't get to show us everything she could now do on a horse. And she was very, very dirty! She had a fantastic time at camp and had a hard time coming home to her boring old family.

But she wasn't home for long!